Two Guys, One Cup and Two Slackers

The Schedule

2010-06-07T06:56:00.005-04:00

OK, off to South Africa on Tuesday.

Will try to blog if we can, but I leave you with our schedule.

June 11
Cape Town - Green Point Stadium
Uruguay v France

June 13
Durban - Durban Stadium
Germany v Australia

June 18
Johannesburg - Ellis Park Stadium
Slovenia v USA

June 19
Rustenburg - Royal Bafokeng Stadium
Ghana v Australia

June 23
Nelspruit - Mbombela Stadium
Australia v Serbia

We'll probably go to some additional games in Joburg, but five World Cup games in three weeks is pretty good.

Talk again soon.

USA 3 - Australia 1

2010-06-05T19:29:00.004-04:00

It was a cool game to watch and exciting as we are now only two days until wheels up. I stayed up until 12:45 am to watch the end and won the family bet - Daddy got to sleep late on this fine Sunday morning.

Meaningless friendly, but still had meaning I guess. USA's offense looked good and was putting lots of pressure on the Aussie defense. Other than Tim Cahill's first half, the Aussie offense was dead. Does not bode well for the June 13th game against Germany, but hey, it's just a friendly.

There's a chance that my two home countries to take on each other in a meaningful game, but for that to happen, one team would have to finish 1st in their group, the other second. Honestly think the best hope is USA should be a solid 2nd in Group C, but Oz will have to perform miracles to even advance. USA defeating England would be on par with the 1950 victory but more meaningful in today's sports mad world. The British fans might all spontaneously explode.

Anyway, was cool to watch and getting more and more excited about my June 8th takoff.

More to come...

A House Divided

2010-06-04T17:54:00.002-04:00

Ok, I once again changed the name of the blog - very clever Herrmann but we don't have to go blue.

Tonight Australia time, the USA plays the Socceroos in the final pre-World Cup friendly. I'm staying up to watch the kickoff at 10:30 pm Melbourne time (7:30 am God's Time in the US).

And, I'll be rooting for America. (double meaning in Australian).

I moved to Australia nearly five years ago. Our two young boys are dual citizens (does that make them "Ameristralian" or "Australican?" I'm an Australian Permanent Resident and will send in my citizenship application this July.

I've even worked for both the Australian and American governments during my career.

The genesis for this entire trip was a ticket application I sent in for four American expats to follow Australia in the World Cup - and we won.

Little did we know that later there would be more World Cup tickets than for a Mississippi Tent Revival.

And, Mike and I will be at all three Australia games and only one USA game - but I can't cheer against the Red, White, and Blue.

So, let's see how Donovan, Howard, Beasley, Altidore, Bocanegra, Bradley, Dempsey, and Onyewu do against Bresciano, Cahill, Emerton, Kennedy, Kewell, Neill, and Schwarzer.

How ever it turns out, it's a meaningless game that just designed to prepare each for a decent World Cup run.

But, it'll be fun to watch.

Well, well

2010-05-28T08:13:00.004-04:00

I love that Herrmann doesn't do shit on this blog, like, ever, and then swoops in and changes the name and such. Delish.

I suppose that makes me one of the "vaginas," since I now can't go on the trip. F Scott Thompson would be your other vadge, thank you very much. At least I have a good excuse - I lost my job, and now I'm posted in the Gulf working on ... well, just imagine what one might be doing on the shores of the Gulf of Mexico right now. At least I'm not in a North Korean gulag, like Scott.

I mean, does anyone follow this blog anymore? We've done such a bang-up job of updating it. Although I think Mike and Drew must update it while they're there.

Ahhh...That's Better

2010-05-27T19:59:00.002-04:00

The blog was very awkard, so I changed the name to make it more accurate and less uncomfortable.

It's Official - Daddy's Booked the Flight

2010-04-17T19:14:00.003-04:00

The unspoken (and somewhat spoken) rumblings of the great FGOC South Africa trip is booking our flights.

The bastards associated with the World Cup and the associated travel industry are trying to fleece every last dollar they can out of potential fans.

Only two airline three airlines fly direct from Australia to South Africa - Qantas and South African in a code share and Richard Branson's new V Australia. All the Asian and Middle Eastern airlines can get you there, but you have to make a pain in the ass connection.

Following the December draw, save for a short sale in Jan that Herrmann took advantage of, prices ranged from AUD$2500 (About USD$2300) to about AUD $4000 (USD$3500). Let's not get into why we're all dumbasses and didn't make the reservations earlier.

I was really wondering whether I could make it happen.

Until this week.

Last night I booked direct flights from Melbourne to Jo' Burg on V Australia for "only" AUD$2000 (USD$1845). Leave on June 8th and return on June 26th.

Bring it.

Suck it, Chelski!

2010-01-20T17:50:00.001-05:00

Go The Gunners!
Originally uploaded by Edward Hoover

This obviously isn’t World Cup related, but I do have to gloat a bit for F. Scott Thompson and Drew, who are both Chelski fans. That’s because Your Gunners are now kings of the hill in the EPL:

Arsenal stormed to the top of the Premier League as they came from behind to beat Bolton at the Emirates Stadium.

Owen Coyle’s men — beaten 2-0 by the Gunners on Sunday — took a shock lead after seven minutes through Gary Cahill and Matthew Taylor then doubled the advantage from the penalty spot.

However, Arsene Wenger’s young side showed the character of champions to rally before half-time through Tomas Rosicky’s strike.

Captain Cesc Fabregas netted a controversial equaliser on 52 minutes, and then Thomas Vermaelen completed the comeback.

Andrey Arshavin netted a fourth to take the Gunners above Chelsea on goal difference, albeit having now played a match more — but nevertheless a scenario which looked so unlikely following a resounding 3-0 home defeat by the Blues at the end of November, which left Arsenal some 11 points adrift.

I watched the game on Sunday, which was fun (and in which the Wanderers came strong out of the gate), but I didn’t get to see today’s match. I’m sure it was shock, horror when Bolton took the lead.

Anyway, we now resume our regularly scheduled programming.

141 days to South Africa!

When This Security Thing Goes a Bit Too Far

2010-01-15T16:15:00.002-05:00

I’ve been to some pretty hairy places in my life – Southeast DC, the Mexican border towns Matamoros and Nuevo Laredo, the South Side of Chicago, hell – I even lived in Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea for a year – the place that ranks just above Baghdad as the most dangerous place on Earth.

As we plan for our World Cup trip to South Africa, there’s an endless string of security warnings about crime and even threats of terrorism. But, I’m not worried. If I could survive living in Papua New Guinea and gun-loving Texas, I can handle South Africa.

But give me a break.

World Cup 2010 football fans offered personalised stab vests

Football fans planning on going to the World Cup in South Africa are being offered stab vests in their team's colours.

The vests are being sold online by London-registered firm Protektorvest.com and can display any flag of a fan's choosing.

Maybe a little too much.

But, the big question for us – US or Australian flag?

We're back in 2010!

2010-01-14T09:47:00.004-05:00

It’s been a while since we’ve blogged here on Four Guys, One Cup. We’re seriously falling down on the job of documenting our journey to South Africa. So I’ll give you a bit of an update:

Ed spent his Christmas holiday across the pond in London, where he got to see his beloved Arsenal take down Aston Villa, 3-0, at The Emirates. That was fun. Got some good pictures and a scarf to boot.
Drew went and had a birthday this week, so happy birthday, Drew. He’s, like, 72 now or something. He’s also suffering through a monstrous heat wave down in Melbourne, apparently.
Mike, who is also in the heat wave but maybe not suffering, has actually purchased a plane ticket to South Africa. He’s going from 7 June to 3 July, which is a long time. But he’s an asshole, and he owns his own business, so he can get away with that crap.
Scott, after a brief period of AWOL, went and got married in Taiwan.

Yes, you heard that right. Fucking Scott Thompson done and got married. Married! I still can’t quite believe it, but I’m happy for the lad. Congratulations, Scoot. You’d better not check your cojones at the door when you board that plane.

In terms of actual football news, here’s where we stand:

Everyone’s favourite Yankee priss, Landon Donovan, is pissing off Mexicans for appearing in a lottery commercial south of the border. Apparently he sneaks across the border (the other way) dressed in a ridiculous ‘stache and a sombrero and buys lottery tickets. Because it’s easier to win in Mexico than in California, ostensibly. They already hate him for desecrating an actual Mexican football pitch. Oh, and for scoring shitloads of goals against the Mexican side, including one in the 2002 World Cup that knocked them out of the tournament. You know, I’m really beginning to like this Donovan cat.
Donovan is also doing yeoman’s work across the pond, on loan to Everton. He scored one of the Toffees’ goals in a 2-2 draw with Your Beloved Gunners in his Premier League debut.
The United States (the country, not the football side), which is bidding for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups (hedging, anyone?), this week announced its proposed host cities for those tournaments. Of special significance to your Four Guys are Dallas (Drew, Mike and Ed have all lived there) and Washington, D.C. (Ed currently lives there and Drew used to). Who got the shaft? Chicago (where Mike is from) for some reason. Probably because they’re getting the Olympics — oh. Wait. Right. Why the hell are they putting freaking Tampa Bay in there and not Chicago? Fail.
Be sure to check out the nice U.S. World Cup Bid gadget at the bottom of this page. It’s at the bottom because their widget won’t fit in our sidebar. (Note to bid organisers: give me workable blog widget options!)
Ha, ha, Liverpool got knocked out of the FA Cup by freaking Reading. Reading? Reading! (For the record, Chelski and Arsenal are still in.)
My home side, DC United, has a new head coach, Curt Onalfo, and has also re-acquired goalkeeper Troy Perkins in a trade that sent midfielder Fred and some cash to the new team Philadelphia Union (whose name is waaaaay too close to United’s). Perkins was solid for the Eagles and we haven’t been as tight since he left.

That’s all for now, but since we have less than 150 days until kickoff (!) we will do better about updating this blog (right, guys?).

Arsenal 3-0 Aston Villa

2009-12-27T18:13:00.002-05:00

I had trouble posting that from my iPhone (for some reason, 3G wasn't working too well at The Emirates), so I posted that last entry just now.

What a match. Arsenal played rather skittish in the first half -- spotty defense that looked like they were asleep, an inabilty to finish on good opportunities, passing the ball to people in the wrong colour jersey -- but once Cesc Fábregas entered the game shortly after the second half started, the Gunners gelled and they started to play some football.

Luckily, they did it all on my end. I was about 12 rows up from the goal that saw all three scores for Arsenal. Here's a little video I took in early game action:

I didn't take any other video, but I did get a few pictures, which I'll try to post.

Anyway, the Gunners won, 3-0, and we were all happy. Fábregas netted two of those three, but not without tweaking his hamstring.

Halftime at The Emirates

2009-12-27T18:05:00.001-05:00

I tried this before and I don't think it worked. Maybe it'll be a double post.

Anyway, I'm at The Emirates watching Arsenal take on Aston Villa. Scoreless at the half. I should get the action on my end in second half.

Arsenal are controlling the game but can't seem to finish. They're a bit sloppy today.

-- Posted From My iPhone

A FGOC update

2009-12-18T11:31:00.001-05:00

Arsenal Emirates Stadium
Originally uploaded by jam-sandwich

I know it’s been way too long since your Four Guys have blogged. I know. And there’s so much to break down — Australia’s matchups (which we’ll see), the U.S. games (especially the one against England) and all sort of other stuff, including venue information and the like.

We’ll get there. Right now, we’re all trying to figure out travel and accommodations. That’s the bitchy part. This weekend I plan to go on a long binge of research and potential bookings.

What I can say is that a week from Sunday I will be sitting at The Emirates in London, watching Arsenal go head to head with Aston Villa. This is shaping up to be a Reef of Death situation, since, as of today, the Gunners and the Lions are tied (effectively) with 32 points each in the Premier League table. Arsenal plays 16th-place Hull City and Villa plays 11th-place Stoke City tomorrow before taking a week off in the run up to the big game.

So giddy up. I will try to blog live from The Emirates as much as I can, but I’m there to watch some football and I’ll probably be pissed, so don’t count on me for your news.

Your World Cup Groups

2009-12-04T13:25:00.001-05:00

Well, here they are:

Group A
South Africa
Mexico
Uruguay
France’s hand

Group B
Argentina
Nigeria
Korea, Good
Greece

Group C
England
USA
Algeria
Slovenia

Group D
Germany
Australia
Serbia
Ghana

Group E
The DutchNetherHolland
Denmark
Japan
Cameroon

Group F
Italy
Paraguay
New Zealand
Slovakia

Group G
Brazil
Korea, Bad
Côte d’Ivoire
Portugal

Group H
Spain
Switzerland
Honduras
Chile

So it looks like your Four Guys are going to:

Durban on 13 June to see Germany.
Rustenburg on 19 June to see Ghana
Nelspruit on 23 June to see Serbia.

And we’re sure as hell going to try to hit the England/USA match on Saturday, 12 June in Rustenburg. Although that will be one hot ticket.

Australia and USA

2009-12-04T13:12:00.001-05:00

So far, the Aussies have been put in Group D with Germany. The Yanks are in Group C with England....

Draw day

2009-12-04T11:57:00.002-05:00

One hour to the FIFA draw (I was mistaken earlier; I thought it was at noon Eastern U.S. time - silly me. The broadcast starts at noon; naturally, we have 45 minutes of wank time for the teevee commentators to bloviate, the obligatory South Africa tourism puff pieces, the doubly obligatory Nelson Mandela interviews ... -Ed.). Here are the “pots” from which groupings will be drawn:

Pot 1 (which consists of the host nation and the top seven teams)
Argentina
Brazil
England
Germany
Italy
The DutchNetherHolland
Spain
South Africa

Pot 2 (Asia, CONCACAF and Oceania)
Australia
Honduras
Japan
Korea, Bad
Korea, Good
Mexico
New Zealand
MUTHAFUCKIN U.S.A.!

Pot 3 (Africa and South America)
Algeria
Camerooooooooon
Chile
Côte d’Ivoire
Ghana
Nigeria
Paraguay
Uruguay

Pot 4 (Europe)
Denmark, Something’s Rotten In
France’s hands
Greece
Portugal
Serbia
Slovakia
Slovenia
Switzerland, even the bigots

These pots were based solely on the October 2009 FIFA World Rankings. (N.B. USA is at #11, seven spots ahead of Mexico. So you’d think we’d get a better seed with that and the fact that we won our group; alas, we will be screwed by FIFA again.)

Fun facts about the draw: Brazil and Argentina may not be drawn with any remaining South African nations (Pot 3), and South Africa may not be drawn with any other African nation (Pot 3).

Here’s the fine print on the draw procedure, if you want a crash course in the next 65 minutes.

Y'all ready for this?

2009-12-04T08:12:00.002-05:00

T minus three hours, 50 minutes until the FIFA 2010 World Cup Final Draw.

Drew will be up at an ungodly hour in Australia to watch. I'll be in my office at work, on a slight deadline but still paying attention ... because, well, it's football, gall-durnit. And because of the children. We must always think of the children.

Let's Make It Interesting

2009-12-03T15:15:00.004-05:00

For those following FGOC leading up to the World Cup in June/July, I've set up a "Four Guys, One Cup" group for the ESPN Soccernet Bracket Predictor on ESPN.com.

Try to make it a little more interesting to pick which of the 32 teams might hoist that bizarre trophy after a month of soccer/football.

First select which two teams will advance out of each the eight groups. The order you select them - 1st or 2nd - determines where they are placed in the 16-team bracket. Then predict the winner of the 15 bracket matches throughout the Finals. All picks lock with the first kickoff on Friday, June 11, 2010.

Get in the action now:
http://games.espn.go.com/bpredictor/en/group?groupID=432

Group: Four Guys, One Cup
Password: yourmom

It'll have to sub until we have to peel Hoover and FST from the tables at Sun City.

Oh, and Daddy is getting ready to get up at 4 am Saturday morning to watch the draw. Then the real fun begins...

T minus three days

2009-12-01T09:58:00.001-05:00

Well, it’s December, which means that here in Washington it’s getting cold and the sun is setting at 4 p.m. Down in the Antipodes, where Drew and Mike reside, it’s summertime, so those jackasses are hitting the beach, like, daily. Because they suck.

That also means we are three days away from the Final Draw. At 7 p.m. local time in Cape Town (noon in Washington, 2 a.m. Saturday in Seoul and 4 a.m. Saturday in Melbourne), FIFA will announce the group seeding for next year’s little football contest.

Indeed, every Draw throws up at least one fiercely competitive section, where several traditional powers have to fight for the right to progress. Who can forget Group C at Germany 2006, which comprised Argentina, Côte d’Ivoire, Serbia and Montenegro and the Netherlands? Then there are the dark horses to contend with, quality teams which strive to spring a surprise and relish the opportunity to upset the game’s established heavyweights.

Yeah, and what they didn’t say is that the United States typically gets screwed in the draw, even if we win our region, as we did this year. You watch. They’ll seed Mexico higher, and we’ll get the shaft.

Speaking of shafts, here’s one more thing we’ll have to worry about next year: meteors.

Then again, perhaps celestial catastrophes could make for some game-saving diversions, allowing Thierry Henry to hand-ball another goal. You never know.

32 Are In

2009-11-20T16:36:00.003-05:00

Following this week's action, we now know the 32 teams that will be joining FGOC in South Africa next June.

EUROPE ZONE (13 places available):
England
Spain
The Netherlands
Italy
Serbia
Denmark
Slovakia
Switzerland
Germany
Greece
France (Cheaters)
Portugal
Slovenia

ASIA ZONE (Four automatic places, plus one play-off place):
Australia
DPR Korea
Japan
Korean Republic

AFRICA ZONE (5 automatic places sealed, plus South Africa automatically qualify as the host nation):
South Africa (Hosts)
Algeria
Cote d’Ivoire
Nigeria
Cameroon
Ghana

SOUTH AMERICA ZONE (Four automatic places, plus Uruguay, who beat Costa Rica to qualify):
Brazil
Chile
Paraguay
Argentina
Uruguay

NORTH, CENTRAL AMERICA AND CARIBBEAN ZONE (Three automatic places, plus one play-off place - Costa Rica, who lost to Uruguay in the playoff's):
Mexico
Honduras
USA

OCEANIA ZONE (New Zealand beat Asia Zone runners-up Bahrain 1-0 in play-off to qualify):
New Zealand

Now it gets interesting. We won't know who Australia will play until December 4 (December 5 in Oz). I must say that there aren't many teams here I wouldn't want to see.

But if I had to pick: England, France, Spain, Netherlands, Italy, Germany, and Brazil would be my top choices in addition to the USA and Australia. Of course, it'll probably be the other ones that are the most fun - I like that it'll be unexpected - like one of the African teams or something.

I've seen Japan, Greece, USA, Mexico, Australia, and Argentina in person before.

Who do you want to see?

Encore: Le Main de Dieu

2009-11-19T10:51:00.001-05:00

Here’s the video of Thierry Henry’s “Le Main de Dieu,” as some are calling it, although I have to beg to differ on the nomenclature here. Diego Maradona’s “Hand of God” resulted directly in a goal; Henry’s hand ball simply allowed him to control the ball so he could pass it to William Gallas, who then scored a goal.

So perhaps it’s not a “Hand of God” so much as it is the hand of some saint. Who’s the patron saint of hand balls?

To his credit, Henry admits it was a hand ball, but he promptly passes the buck to referee Martin Hansson:

“I will be honest, it was a hand ball. But I’m not the ref,” Henry said. “I played it. The ref allowed it. That’s a question you should ask him.”

And while we’re goofing on Les Bleus, here’s a classic “Family Guy” riff on Zinedine Zidane:

Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys Cheaters

2009-11-19T05:15:00.002-05:00

N Zed Is In

2009-11-14T04:13:00.004-05:00

Despite the very uncomfortable nickname of the All Whites, which I've blogged about before, New Zealand has just defeated Bahrain to advance to its first World Cup since 1982.

Good on 'em.

New Zealand is kinda Australia's Canada. Has a fraction of the population (4 million to 22 million), they sorta sound alike - but have dead giveaway words that bring out their true native land, and the smaller country has a "nice guy" reputation *until* you accuse them of being from the larger country.

Just watch Flight of the Conchords.

I just did the math, and since my mother-in-law is a Kiwi, that makes my two boys one-quarter Kiwi. I gotta cheer for the All Whites.

Ed Note: If my kids are now 1/4 Kiwi, that means they are only 1/4 Australian - and 1/2 American. Just told my wife this and it did not sit well.

So, my New Zealand brethren - see you in South Africa!

Tour of South Africa

2009-11-10T09:10:00.001-05:00

It looks like FIFA is turning tour guide. On the official site (not to mention the official Twitter feed) for the World Cup, they’re pointing us to some tourist guides for host cities in South Africa. Today, it’s Cape Town.

As we approach the final lap of the 2010 FIFA World Cup™ qualifiers, the spotlight will inevitably fall on next month's Final Draw which will decide the destination and the fate of the 32 qualified teams that will participate in Africa's maiden FIFA World Cup next year.

And, it is therefore no surprise that Cape Town, the city that will host the Final Draw on 4 December is now the centre of attention. In South Africa, Cape Town is often fondly referred to as the ‘Mother City’, and after a short tour of the place, it is probably not hard to imagine as to why this artistic centre that sits at the foot of one of the most majestic peaks, Table Mountain, holds such significance for the Rainbow Nation.

Renowned for its beautiful beaches, bright sunshine and artistic places, Cape Town will provide the perfect setting for the draw and, with its summer weather, the city is now gearing itself up to welcome visitors and teams alike. Known as a melting point of different cultures, languages and ethnic groups, Cape Town is one of the highly coveted destinations in South Africa for tourists.

The “Mother City”? That’s kind of lame. Other than that, though, I can’t wait to get to Cape Town. I hear it’s beautiful. And the stadium is practically in the ocean.

I think we’ll do a roundup of host cities once we know where Australia is playing (i.e., where we’ll actually be and when). But does anyone have any advice on South Africa? None of us has ever gone, so we’ll be looking for non-football things to do and see, particularly if they’re off the beaten path.

Bought the Book

2009-11-03T01:11:00.002-05:00

Well, we're getting a little closer to South Africa.

I went out and bought a f*cking Lonely Planet.

Australians love Lonely Planet. It was apparently founded thirty some-odd years ago by travel loving Brits that made Melbourne their home. Every upper middle-class home in Australia has a f*cking bookshelf full of their own Lonely Planet collection to show off to their visitors.

Wow, you went to Peru? I've always wanted to go there.

My home in Melbourne even has the USA and Texas editions of the Aussie travel bible - how's that for irony.

They love to tell you about how Australians are so cultured because they spend so much of their lives overseas - but it usually means a few trips to cheap Asia, the compulsory year in London, and a two week long trip to New York and LA.

I know that Americans suck at international travel, but good lord stop with the preaching about world travel already.

Anyway, I bought the Lonely Planet - South Africa edition the other day. Why is costs $45 AUD in its hometown but I can get get it on Amazon.com for $19.73 AUD is beyond me.

Then, like true American tourist dorks - Herrmann and I went to one of those hip Melbourne laneway bars last Friday afternoon to look through it and decide that we really need to get serious about the trip.

The strangest thing about the Lonely Planet is that it doesn't have a separate World Cup section, it just sorta talks about WC venues in respective cities. That and headlines like this:

"The 2010 World Cup will be a once-in-a-lifetime experience, but Southern Africa offers a plethora of memorable activities such as the following:"

Which then lists 10 random active sports activities such as paragliding, bungee jumping, and pony trekking - three things I can guarantee will not be part of our "once-in-a-lifetime experience."

So, I'll dive into the book and try to find out more, and I've been hunting around a few other travel Web sites such as the official South Africa travel site.

We're almost a month away from the official draw when we'll know where we'll need to be - now we just need to get there.

We suck at blogging

2009-10-30T12:03:00.001-04:00

So wow, we here at Four Guys, One Cup have been pretty crap about blogging. A shout out to Kossack Aethelstane, who called me out over at DailyKos, giving me a friendly nudge to update this damn thing.

Here’s why: Mike’s perpetually “busy” (yeah right); Drew’s got two young kids; and Scott’s “in loooooooove” or some such bullshit, which has clearly removed his testicles and the will to blog about manly things like sports, beer and shit talking. What a dick. Next thing you know he’ll be wanting to bring a girl along on the trip.

As for me, well, I’m just a lazy ass. I haven’t even really kept up my blog that well. But then again, I’ve been sick.

When last we spoke, I was blogging via my iPhone from the friendly confines of RFK Stadium here in Washington, having just watched the Yanks pull of an incredible come back to tie Costa Rica, 2-2. I was standing in the rain, and I haven’t felt 100 percent healthy since then. Sure, there was the hangover on that Thursday, but from that Friday I got sick with something — I’m not going to call it H1N1, but perhaps SARS. I’m old school.

So yeah, now we wait to see who else from CONCACAF gets to go, if anyone. Costa Rica plays Uruguay, the fifth-place South American side, on 14 and 18 November for the right to head to the big dance. (Am I allowed to use the term “big dance” in a non-March Madness context? I await my cease-and-desist from the NCAA.)

On the planning front, it appears Drew and Mike may have some inroads into accommodations in South Africa. I won’t spoil it or jinx it here, but I’m cautiously optimistic. It really is creeping up on us. In just over a month we’ll know who Australia is playing — and, more important, where and when. And, as you can see from our trusty countdown clock over there, we’ve got just 223 days and some change until the big day.

I’m monitoring airfares from Washington, but they’re still pretty high. I suppose everyone’s going to jack them up around the World Cup. But we’ll see.

Anyway, happy Friday (even though it’s already Saturday for ¾ of FGOC) and we’ll be back soon.

Wow

2009-10-14T22:09:00.000-04:00

That went from "Oh shit, here we go again" in the 26th minute to wanking around all second half to scoring two goals in the last 15, including the tie goal in the 95th or thereabouts.

Moreover, Mexico tied, so the USA wins CONCACAF.

We'll still get a shitty seed, because international football hates us, but it's nice.

And this turned into an exciting match, in the end.

Huzzah!

-- Posted From My iPhone

Bs

2009-10-14T20:49:00.001-04:00

Your US bend but don't break D. It's 2-0 Costa.

Good thing we've qualified already.

-- Posted From My iPhone

USA vs. Costa Rica

2009-10-14T19:58:00.000-04:00

Your intrepid reporter is on the scene at RFK Stadium in Washington, D.C., to see the Yanks take on Costa Rica in World Cup qualifying.

It's cold and rainy. About 45 degrees
(8 C maybe?) and soggy. Perfect for football. I just got a beer and we're nine minutes from kickoff.

Lots of good U.S. fans: tri-corner hats, trumpets, drums. It's on.

-- Posted From My iPhone

Now That We Are In

2009-10-12T19:42:00.002-04:00

Right. So. The World Cup. A tournament played and cheered for with the utmost fervor throughout the globe. A championship to end all championships. Will 2010 be the year that the United States of America comes into its own and takes a place amongst the legends of champions past? In a word...no.

Now, I have been one of the most skeptical fans out there. I still remain unimpressed by our offense, primarily our lack of a scoring threat that puts fear into the hearts of our competition; however, I see signs of life. We have some young players starting to step up and gain the experience necessary to be successful on the next level. We have a team starting to come together as a singular unit. We have a sense of pride amongst the team and its fans leading to expectations of consistent, solid play. We appear to have a bit of passion.

After famously (amongst our three readers) declaring the fighting American squad would not score more than 3 goals in the World Cup, I must make an amendment that will hold through until the first boot hits the pitch in South Africa. I am increasing the goal output by 33% to 4 goals. Yes, you heard me right, a full 33% increase. I see the Yanks squeezing out an extra goal, and with a lucky bounce, could hit 5. Believe it or not, this could possibly be enough to survive the group rounds with our defense...but we'll have to wait to see the draw.

All in all, I am encouraged. It seems as though the team is growing together, and heading in the right direction. This bodes well going into battle the worlds top teams. At the same time, I keep my expectations in check. We are not a powerhouse. We are not going to win the World Cup. Give us a few more decades of success and change some of the grassroots football efforts, and we might get there.

Just not in 2010.

Yankess win! (The good kind of Yankee, not those people in the Bronx)

2009-10-12T09:55:00.003-04:00

Well, boy howdy, the Yanks have qualified for World Cup 2010!

Conor Casey scored his first two international goals in the second half, Landon Donovan added another and the United States clinched its sixth straight World Cup berth with a game to spare by rallying to beat Honduras 3-2 on Saturday.

“It never gets old, that’s for sure,” Donovan said. “After what most of us would say was a very disappointing 2006 World Cup, we now have a chance at redemption.”

In one of the most exciting end-to-end matches the U.S. has played in many years, the Americans took a 3-1 lead before Honduras closed on Julio Cesar De Leon’s second goal of the game in the 78th minute.

Sounds like it was an exciting game. Too bad none of us got to watch it. Here in America, you had to go to a bar that had purchased some strange sort of closed-circuit feed of the match. It wasn’t available on television — not even on pay-per-view. What the hell is that?

Oh well. We did it on the road, too, which is a welcome break, especially considering Honduras were 8-0 in qualifying on their home turf.

The sad thing is it renders the game I’m attending Wednesday night, USA vs. Costa Rica, pretty meaningless. Meaningful for the American side, at least; Costa Rica is in third place in the table, just two points ahead of Honduras. If the Yanks win in Washington on Wednesday and Honduras beat El Salvador, they’ll swap places and it’ll be Honduras who go into the playoff with a team from South America.

So here’s a list of everyone who has qualified for the tournament so far:

Africa
Places left: 3
Teams clinched: Côte d’Ivoire, Ghana (I still hate them for 2006), South Africa (automatically qualify as host nation)

Asia
Places left: none, but Bahrain still could go if they win a playoff with the Kiwis
Teams clinched: Australia (thank god, our tickets will work), Japan, Korea (The Bad One), Korea (The Good One)

Europe
Places left: 6
Teams clinched: Denmark (Nothing’s Rotten In), England (kicking ass and taking names in their group), Germany (quietly getting it done), Italy (they’re already practicing their dives), The DutchNetherHolland, Serbia (top of their group, which includes France), Spain (a.k.a. America’s bitch)

North, Central America and Caribbean
Places left: 1, currently it’s Costa Rica, but, like me, Honduras hopes for a U.S. win on Wednesday
Teams clinched: Mexico (mang), United States (huzzah!)

Oceania
Places left: 1
Teams clinched: none, but New Zealand is in a playoff against Bahrain for the last spot in Oceania/Asia (why is Australia not in Oceania?)

South America
Places left: 1, pending a death match between Argentina and Urugay, who hold the #4 and #5 spots, respectively, and are separated by one point
Teams clinched: Brazil, Chile, Paraguay

There’s your state of play. The list will change dramatically on Wednesday, when all will be told.

And the papers want to know whose shirt you wear...

2009-10-08T13:49:00.005-04:00

Six days from now, I’ll be standing at The Bobby to cheer on the U.S. national team in its final World Cup qualifying match, against Costa Rica.

This will be fun.

I will be drunk. Probably.

Anyway, I feel it’s time for me to break down and purchase a jersey. I know, I know. Wearing a jersey is douchey enough, but I follow this rule: Only wear a jersey to an actual sporting event, and only wear the jersey of a team that’s actually playing.*

Here’s the rub, though: The U.S. kit sucks.

How plain-Jane, batshit boring is that? Plus, I’ve no idea whose jersey I’d wear. I’m not into any one player so much that I have to have his jersey.

So I’ve decided to go old school. Here are three good ones from the olden days:

1930 World Cup

1959 Pan American Games

1950 World Cup

I think 1950 is my favourite. First, it’s a cool, simple jersey. Second, the United States upset England in an epic match that year. So, mojo.

Suggestions?

_____________
* Also permissible, but only for soccer, is wearing the club jersey of a player who’s playing in the national team game you’re attending. For example, one could wear a David Beckham LA Galaxy jersey to an England game. If Beckham’s playing.

Oh, I'm sorry, are we supposed to contribute to this blog?

2009-09-21T22:52:00.003-04:00

So, I've been a bit busy these days. Between getting drunk, being awesome, spreading my seed, and trying not to shart, my free time has been totally consumed. I'm still down for SA, and I'm still gonna be bringing the mojo to Cape Town.

Korea continues to amaze and baffle me. I've recently developed a rapport with a Paraguayana empanada restauranteur, who shares my obscure interest in "who the fuck will qualify from South America". Paraguay looks like a lock at this point, and I may have to root for them. My girlfriend suspects that I want to ball this lady, but the truth is, I just dig her amazing carne empanadas (and that's not a slang synonym for "cans").

And, with that, I'm out. I don't have time for this shit, b/c I've been drinking. Read the Stieg Larsson novel "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo". It will knock you out. I must go educate the youth of Korea, after sleeping it off for a few hours. Peace, amigos.

Best soccer songs?

2009-09-17T14:02:00.003-04:00

This is fantastic. Over on the New York Times’ “Goal” blog, photographer John McDermott — who has covered every World Cup since 1982 — talks soccer anthems:

In the 1970s, John McDermott started taking pictures of the North American Soccer League, photographing players like George Best, Franz Beckenbauer and Pelé. He became a regular contributor to Sports Illustrated and Newsweek, and has covered every World Cup since 1982. He was a member of the FIFA Photographers Pool at the 1998 and 2002 World Cups.

In his second Ultimate XI for the Goal blog, McDermott puts down the camera and grabs his headphones to listen to the tunes that make being a soccer fan anywhere in the world a treat (or not) to the ears … the best soccer songs on the planet (in order of preference).

It’s about what you’d expect — “You’ll Never Walk Alone” is #1 — but there are YouTube links and fun mini-anecdotes about each. However, through what must have been a clerical oversight, McDermott missed what must be one of the cruelest-yet-funniest soccer songs of all time: “Always Look on the Runway for Ice.” Sung to the tune of “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” from Monty Python’s “The Life of Brian,” this is sung by fans of pretty much any team Manchester United plays, and refers to an incident in 1958 when a plane carrying the United team crashed on its third takeoff attempt in Munich. Twenty-three of the 44 people on board were killed.

In other exciting World Cup news, I have officially purchased tickets to see the U.S. Men’s National Team take on Costa Rica in the final World Cup qualifier. The match is Oct. 14 here in Washington, D.C., at the friendly confines of Robert F. Kennedy Memorial Stadium, which I affectionately call The Bobby.

The Bobby.

Bring it.

______
* Probably not; I’m sure U.S. fans will be outnumbered by Costa Rican fans.

More Chelsea Love in South Africa- England In

2009-09-10T00:24:00.004-04:00

Chelsea's Frank Lampard and some dude named Gerrard that plays for some crap team in red scored two goals each to see England beat Croatia 5-1 at Wembley. (Some ManU guy scored, too).

It looks like England is "back" and we'll expect to see the London press having them hosting the World Cup trophey for the first time since 1966 in tomorrow's papers.

Oh, and Spain qualified as well.

Now, two of my three teams are in - here's looking at you US of A.

Key game for Yanks tonight

2009-09-09T18:06:00.001-04:00

US Argentina Soccer Game at Giants Stadium
Originally uploaded by NYC.andre

Team USA has a tough road ahead in World Cup qualifying. I think we all assumed the United States would wind up in South Africa in 2010; it’s become a given in the past decade or so that we’d field a team in the tournament.

But it’s no picnic. Our erratic play has put us in an awkward position. (I blame Sunil Gulati, who could have hired Jürgen Klinsmann when he had the chance.) In CONCACAF, the top three teams qualify, and the fourth-place team plays a one-game playoff with a team from CONMEBOL, the South American zone.

Currently, the Yanks hold the #2 spot, behind Honduras, although both teams have 13 points. Mexico, after languishing in the cellar for a while, follows with 12 points (but an edge on the U.S. team in head-to-head). Costa Rica is in that dangerous fourth spot with the same number of points as Mexico. El Salvador and Trinidad & Tobago are fucked, stuck at the bottom with five points each.

So this could get interesting. The USA has only three games left: at Trinidad & Tobago (tonight), at Honduras (Oct. 10) and home against Costa Rica (Oct. 14), a game I will be attending, since it’s at RFK Stadium (a.k.a. “The Bobby”) here in Washington, D.C.

Barring some sort of freak accident, we should emerge from T&T with a win. Honduras is a bitch place to play, and that could easily be a loss. So the key will be Costa Rica — that game could be huge. The Ticos could very well be playing for that third spot, so they’ll be playing their asses off. And we very well could require a win in that final qualifier to keep from dropping.

The good news is that we’re coming off a good, solid home win after besting El Salvador in Utah last Saturday night. The Yanks won, 2-1, although the score should have been 3-1. Clint Dempsey drained one in the 41’ and Jozy Altidore scored in stoppage time in the first half, both off great balls from Landon Donovan (he’s really growing on me, I hate to say). Tim Howard played beautifully, as usual, and we notched the win without defenders Oguchi Onyewu (yellow card accumulation) and Jay DeMerit (injury).

After watching that game, however, I was reminded of a simple truth we should keep in mind over these next three games: FIFA referees hate the United States. The U.S. simply isn’t going to get calls their way. Last Saturday’s game reminded me of our 2006 World Cup game against Italy, which might have been one of the all-time greatest officiating travesties of any sport.

Never mind the goal that should have been, the entire game was called unevenly. And that seems to be the way the ball bounces for the Yanks. We’re not going to get any favours, so we might as well shore things up as much as we can and play through it.

(Also: Does it make an ounce (gram) of sense that a Honduran official calls a game between El Salvador and the United States? How about someone from outside CONCACAF?)

Michael Essien and Ghana...Come on Down!

2009-09-08T23:18:00.002-04:00

In happier Chelsea-related news, the Michael Essien-led Ghana national team has qualified for the World Cup.

Michael Essien is revelling in the "fantastic feeling'' of qualifying for the World Cup finals after he scored one of two goals against Sudan to help Ghana seal a place at next year's showpiece event.
The Black Stars, who made their first appearance at the 2006 tournament in Germany, became the first African nation to book their place in South Africa after a 2-0 scoreline in Accra - the result coupled with Benin's 1-1 draw with Mali earlier in the day securing their passage.

Ghana joins hosts South Africa, Brazil, Holland, Japan, Australia, South Korea and North Korea as the eighth team to qualify.

We'll see you in South Africa.

Chelsea Cheaters

2009-09-03T10:19:00.003-04:00

Not to bump Drew’s important post off the top, but this is hot breaking news on Teh Intartubes right now. Twitter is a-twitter. Shit is going down. Besides, this is Drew’s and Scott’s favourite club, so I have to rub it in.

Chelski is in some deep shit with FIFA.

Chelsea have been banned from signing any new players until January 2011 by football’s governing body Fifa.

The Premier League club was found guilty of inducing French winger Gael Kakuta, 18, to breach his contract with Lens when he joined in 2007.

“Chelsea is banned from registering any new players for the two next registration periods,” a statement on Fifa’s website read.

Ouch!

Doesn’t Carlo Ancelotti know cheating makes the Baby Jesus cry?

The Other Football Starts

2009-09-02T20:19:00.003-04:00

We all agree that all of us here at FGOC love soccer. We are all going to the World Cup in South Africa next year to cheer for our favourite teams.

But, since we’ve established that despite most of us living overseas and adopting the world game, we’ve also established two other things.

We’re Americans.

And…

We’re Assholes.

So, I bring you the first weekend of College Football season in all its glory.

Last year, I lived in Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea and saw very, very little college football, but that will change now that I’m back in Melbourne with a (somewhat) proper Internet connection and Foxtel cable that beams college football games to my little home in Moonee Ponds.

Now, despite me spending four years at the stellar institution of higher learning called Southern Methodist University, my blood runs Razorback Red. You can take the boy out of Arkansas, but you can’t take the Arkansas out of the boy.

The other three guys from FGOC went to some place called Texas A&M University – a former all-boys military school in BFE East Texas.

These two football teams play in exactly one month to renew a rivalry that’s been dormant since 1991 – my first year at that football powerhouse SMU. Plus, the game is at the crappy new JerryDome in Hoover’s hometown of Arlington, Texas.

I’d like to put out there an offer that the four of us try to make the game a little more interesting with a little wager – because both of our teams suck this year and have no hope of playing post-season football. Maybe having to sing the other team’s fight song at a South Africa bar in 2010? Extol the virtues of the winning team throughout the college football season on the blog?

Interested to hear other ideas – and GO HOGS!

Australia to Play the Good Korea

2009-08-29T17:58:00.002-04:00

We're coming up on another set of international friendlies next week.

Australia makes a trek north to take on the Tigers of Asia - South Korea in the national capital of Seoul.

As with most friendlies, it's a worthless game, but it should be interesting to see two of the top Asian qualifiers play - and how the Aussies perform to a somewhat hostile crowd.

Which, makes me wonder, will the FGOC representative to the Republic of Korea, one FST be in attendance?

More on USA/Mexico

2009-08-17T17:22:00.001-04:00

Great article by ESPN’s Sports Guy on the USA/Mexico game.

A choice excerpt:

I have attended all kinds of sporting events: Never have I heard a crowd more stunned than the Mexican crowd after Davies’ goal. All traces of sound vanished from the stadium. Like someone pointed a remote control at Azteca and pressed "mute." It was one of those sports moments when you wish they could have stopped the proceedings right there for 20 minutes, just so we could soak in what happened and dream about all the possibilities.
Estadio Azteca. United States 1, Mexico 0. (Pause.) Hold on, just a little bit longer. One more second. Just let me keep enjoying this.

Hat tip to FGOC friend Bill for calling this to my attention.

V Australia to Fly to South Africa

2009-08-16T23:52:00.002-04:00

Freakin' sweet. Daddy and Mr. Man may be flying V Australia to South Africa - a hell of a lot cheaper than the Flying Kangaroo.

V AUSTRALIA SECOND PHASE EXPANSION - TUK TUK OFF TO THAILAND OR SAFARI IN SOUTH AFRICA!
LAUNCH FARES ON SALE 2.00PM TODAY

* BRAND NEW INTERNATIONAL ROUTES AND DESTINATIONS FOR V AUSTRALIA
* THAILAND, SOUTH AFRICA, LOS ANGELES
* $399* ONE WAY “TUK TUK TO THAILAND” FARES* EX BRISBANE AND MELBOURNE
* $1899 “FAR OUT SAFARI ” RETURN FARES* EX MELBOURNE

Monday 17 August 2009: Australia’s new international airline V Australia today announced Phuket and Johannesburg as its next two destinations along with a strengthened focus on Melbourne just six months after launch. Four new V Australia routes to commence from December onwards^ include:

* Brisbane to Phuket, Thailand direct twice weekly from 22 November 2009.
* Melbourne to Phuket, Thailand direct flights 1 a week from 3 December 2009.
* Melbourne to Los Angeles, USA direct flights twice weekly from 1 December 2009.
* Melbourne to Johannesburg, South Africa direct flights from 13 March 2010.

The airline has also lodged an application with the International Air Services Commission for permission and slots to operate flights between Australia and Fiji.
To celebrate the extra destinations of Phuket and Johannesburg, special launch fares go on sale from 2.00pm today on the airline’s website starting from $399* one way to Phuket and $1899* return to Johannesburg from Melbourne.

USA 1-2 Mexico

2009-08-12T18:11:00.002-04:00

Well, shit. The USA’s futility at Estadio Azteca continues with a 2-1 loss to El Tri today. After a great start (a U.S. goal in the ninth minute), things went downhill pretty quickly. ESPN’s Jeff Carlisle has a good summary:

The U.S. battled hard, but this will go down as a missed opportunity for the Yanks. In a game where the U.S. looked fatigued at the end, the team’s inability to keep possession was their undoing. They simply spent so much time defending that they wore down. The sight of Juarez beating Donovan in the run-up to the winning goal was telling. Donovan is one of the fittest players on the team, yet even he looked gassed.

I’ll be less diplomatic than Carlisle. The final score belies the game, really. The Yanks played like shit. Zero play in the midfield, and thus no possession. It felt like Mexico was on a perpetual power play.

Thank God for Tim Howard, otherwise this game would have been a repeat of the Gold Cup final, only with our A squad in. Donovan played well, but again, zero play from the midfield, and defensively we were lacking.

It seems like our entire strategy — or, worse, perhaps this is becoming the “U.S. style” of football — is to play bend-but-don’t-break defence and hope for goals on the fast break, maybe the odd set piece off a foul coming from a fast break.

That’s not sustainable, as we saw in the second half of the Confederations Cup final against Brazil, and through much of this game.

I won’t comment on officiating, since I was watching streaming video at my desk while simultaneously working and chatting with two friends and keeping an eye on the Washington Post’s live chat. But I will say that the Post crowd was pretty apoplectic, as is their wont, and it did look like the ref completely lost control of the game.

General consensus was that if you look at a Mexican player, foul, possibly a card. Mount an unprovoked back-alley knife attack on an American, play on. But I didn’t see it.

Some quick hits:

Always nice to see the klassy Mexican fans. Thanks for throwing shit at Landon Donovan as he sets up a corner. Call it “passion” if you want; I call it bush-league.
USA maintains its perfect record in Mexico City: No wins, especially at Azteca.
Brian Ching is worthless.
In the end, this game was a must-win for a Mexican side that is still in danger of not buying tickets to South Africa next year. The Yanks have a bit more wiggle room, but not too much — don’t want any more of these performances.

Two more quick hits, courtesy of friends writing in:

Dave Breg: “We suck. It’s Jurgen time.” (Bring on Klinsmann, I say!)

Bill Atkinson: “At least we have clean drinking water and Tamiflu.”

All Nando's - All The Time

2009-08-11T00:45:00.003-04:00

I don't know much about South African food.

But I do know this. Fast food in Australia is crap.

We have McDonalds. We have KFC. We have Hungry Jacks, which is a crappy version of Burger King. That's it.

No Taco Bell. No Whataburger. No Sonic. Not even freakin' Wendy's. And certainly no Taco Cabana.

There is only one fast food joint in Australia that is worth a shit, and that is Nando's. I go to my local Nando's at least once a week for the extra hot grilled chicken sandwich (or "burger" in Australian) with peri-peri spicy fries (chips in Ozspeak). It's the only food in this barren land that is the least bit spicey and it's freakin' good. Plus, they sell beer - always a plus in the fast food department.

Come to find out, Nando's is from South Africa.

I can pretty much guarantee that the FGOC clan will visit many a Nando's while we're at the World Cup.

But, the main reason for going to Nando's?

Because Herrmann hates it.

Real Madrid at D.C. United

2009-08-10T16:33:00.001-04:00

Cross-posted at K Street Blues.

Let me just start by stating the obvious: It’s bloody hot outside.

I mean, oppressively hot. Devastatingly hot. The kind of hot that makes you lose the will to live. Right now, the thermometer says it’s 95 degrees (34C) with 39% humidity. It’s supposed to hit 100 (38C) this afternoon. So far, we’ve had such a mild summer that this seems like a sudden and brutal kick in the nuts.

So what did I do yesterday, when it was just as hot? Why, I put on a black shirt and stood out in the sun for six hours, of course!

I went to see D.C. United take on Real Madrid at FedEx Field, which is normally home to the Greater Chesapeake Region Indigenous Peoples. The fun started on the Metro, as we were waiting for the Blue Line train. A group of about 10 guys in their early 20s came down the platform, coolers in hand. They spotted our Barra Brava jerseys, and high-fived us and yelled some variations of “Go United!”

Then, they brought out the Jell-o shots.

Yeah, I’ve never done a shot in the Metro, but now I can say I’ve done one on the Metro Center platform and one on a Blue Line train. (The latter was blue Jell-o in honour of our train line’s colour.) The chaos continued at the Barra Brava tailgate party, which is always fun. One of said Jell-o shot guys actually walked barefoot over hot coals (from the barbecue) that had been disposed of on the asphalt. Later, he was seen sitting in the grass, feet resting on a pile of ice, with a look on his face that, to me, indicated a serious existential crisis was going on.

So then we, along with 72,000 of our closest friends, filed into FedEx Field for the actual game. (No word on whether coal-walker had to be carried into the stadium.) Which was pretty good — at least, the first half was. Score was tied, 0-0, at the half, mostly thanks to United goaltender Josh Wicks. Oddly, it was only after Madrid’s stars, such as Cristiano Ronaldo and Kaká, left the game that the scoring began. (Ronaldo continues his streak of not scoring against D.C. United.)

United’s downfall didn’t actually begin until the 57th minute when Higuain, a 21-year-old forward in his fourth season with the Spanish power, blazed into the penalty area. Two minutes later, he was the beneficiary of Robben’s explosive move, and in the 69th, Robben lifted the ball to himself while at a full pace and cleverly chipped a shot over reserve goalkeeper Milos Kocic.

The one-sided score was hardly an embarrassment for United, which had two starters less than a year out of college and another who was playing in the third tier of the U.S. pro system last season. Real’s lineup included Cristiano Ronaldo and Kaka, the past two world players of the year, and other pricey superstars coveted by almost every other club on the planet.

Three years ago, United played Real to a 1-1 tie in Seattle, and although that Madrid side featured English star David Beckham, the roster on display at FedEx Field was one of the most expensive ever assembled. The marquee players weren’t United’s undoing; rather, it was Robben, the 25-year-old Dutchman who entered at halftime and almost single-handedly changed the course of the match.

Some notes:

There were tens of thousands of Real Madrid fans there. Who are these people, exactly? They certainly weren’t Spanish. Bandwagon fans, all.
I wish I had made a t-shirt that said “Faux Madrid.” That’d have shown ‘em.
FedEx Field = epic fail. You can’t bring bottled water in. So smart when it’s 98 degrees and humid. So they charge you $5 for water — that’s warm. At least they sold Miller Lite, which is a lot like water.
More FedEx Field Fail: loud music. Before the game and during halftime, the stadium PA blared music (really bad music, too) so loud I couldn’t hear anyone who was speaking directly, much less anything else. It also drowned out the very loud and proud United fans. Well done, stadium crew.
Best chant from Barra Brava: “Ka-ká! Poo-poo!”
Although I was hoping for a few more taunting references to Franco and/or fascism to be hurled at Madrid and its fans.

Oh, and I am sunburned as hell.

Travel logistics

2009-08-06T16:31:00.001-04:00

Interesting post by Michelle Higgins in the New York Times’ travel blog today, about planning travel to major sporting events such as the Olympics and the World Cup.

It may seem too early to be planning a 2010 vacation, but travelers who want to see the Winter Olympics in Vancouver this February or cheer their favorite soccer team at the FIFA World Cup in South Africa next summer had better get going.

Despite the recession, demand is high for both events, making tickets hard to come by and sending prices for any remaining hotel rooms soaring. But travelers can still watch their teams compete if they’re willing to be flexible, spend a little more money and make their travel plans now.

Higgins also hits on something that is sitting in the back of our minds here at FGOC. Namely, how the hell do we plan our trip to South Africa next year when we won’t know where (or when, exactly) Australia* is playing until early December?

Unlike at the Olympics, however, where sports are tied to specific venues, and the dates and times of most events are already set, soccer fans won’t know where, when or even which teams will be playing in South Africa until all 32 teams have qualified and FIFA holds its tournament draw on Dec. 4.

That means travelers hoping to watch the United States in quarterfinals, for example, won’t know where the team will be playing — whether it’s at Green Point Stadium in Cape Town, or nearly 900 miles away in Soccer City in Johannesburg — until just a few days before.

Of course, that’s always the case when it comes to the World Cup — and the last-minute scramble is part of the fun. But following your team around will be more complicated in South Africa than at the last World Cup, held in Germany in 2006. Fans staying in Frankfurt, for example, were within a two-hour train ride from most United States matches. South Africa, on the other hand, has less reliable trains and highways, and moving from match to match requires flying.

That’s something we’re just now working out, and that’s going to be the fun part. Sort of. Do we use a travel agent and go in bulk? Use our own travel agents? Go solo? Hire a goat?

I, for one, might want to stop in somewhere before or after the main event — for example, South African Airways flies direct from here in Washington, with a stop in Dakar, Senegal, which is almost exactly halfway between here and Johannesburg. I might be tempted to stay a few days there, because when the hell else are you going to be in Dakar?

I think getting the actual tickets from FIFA might have been the easy part.

_______
* If you’re just joining us here at FGOC, we have real, actual tickets to see Australia’s games in group stage, so that’s where we’ll be. Naturally, we’ll be following the good ol’ USA, too, as well as some others (see this post to find out who’s following whom) but we actually have tickets to see the Socceroos.

USA 2018? Barry says so

2009-07-28T15:12:00.001-04:00

P051609PS-0171
Originally uploaded by The Official White House Photostream

No pictures of Barry kicking a soccer ball around the South Lawn, Drew, but he apparently did kick a ball around the Oval when he met with FIFA president Sepp Blatter the other day:

On Monday, President Obama got the U.S. campaign off to a start that Blatter conceded “merits a compliment” — demonstrating his own appreciation for “the beautiful game” by dribbling a soccer ball that Blatter had presented him in the Oval Office.

Blatter said afterward that Obama, whose basketball prowess is well-known, isn’t ready for a spot on the U.S. national team. But, he joked, Obama probably could have made the second-tier U.S. squad that was trounced by Mexico, 5-0, in the CONCACAF Gold Cup match he attended Sunday in East Rutherford, N.J., as part of his four-day visit to the United States.

The key item on Blatter’s U.S. tour was the meeting with Obama, in which they discussed ways of strengthening soccer in the United States. Blatter called it “a great encounter.”

Maybe Pete Souza will offer us some shots on the official White House Flickr stream.

Blatter also formally invited President Obama to attend the World Cup, and said POTUS has instructed aides to check his schedule.

Mr. President, I hereby volunteer to buy you a Castle Lager if you decide to attend.

Anyway, conditions look right for the United States to host in 2018, at least as far as FIFA’s normal rotation goes. However, Blatter said a lot of the Europeans in FIFA think that the Continent should host every third tournament. Which is dumb. Screw Europe.

And I don’t need to remind Blatter who can put asses in seats:

[Blatter] accentuated the positives when asked if the country’s inability to capitalize on the 1994 World Cup should count against it in the next round of voting.

“Yes, it has not had the impact we expected,” Blatter conceded. “But it was the first World Cup organization, and so far the only one, where all tickets were sold, and all seats were occupied. So this is a good legacy of the organizational skill of the United States.”

Yer darn tootin’.

Any Bets on an Obama Playing Soccer Shot?

2009-07-27T02:45:00.003-04:00

Just saw this on Politico.com:

Monday Jul. 27, 2009
2:00 p.m.
Obama meets with FIFA President Joseph Blatter.

Please God, please don't try to play soccer on the White House South Lawn for the WH gaggle.

Worker strike is off, and other news

2009-07-15T09:28:00.003-04:00

Here’s an update to a story I posted last week, about the workers who are building the stadiums that will hold the World Cup matches next year. From the BBC:

Workers building stadiums for next year’s World Cup in South Africa are ending a week-long strike, according to negotiators in Johannesburg.

After threatening to wreck next June’s tournament unless they received a pay increase of 13%, a union spokesman said the workers had settled for 12%.

Contractors confirmed a deal had been reached and would be signed shortly, with work to resume on Thursday.

South Africa is building five new stadiums for the World Cup.

The BBC’s Jonah Fisher in Johannesburg says construction companies will be relieved that industrial action which could have lasted months has ended so quickly.

That’s putting it mildly, Jonah.

Other football news:

Landon Donovan and David Beckham were having a little tiff, but now they love each other and will be back to slapping each other’s asses at Home Depot Center’s locker room after using Herbalife as an aphrodisiac.
After struggling to tie Haiti in the CONCACAF Gold Cup (and possibly opting not to wear a condom), and thereby win Group B, the United States moves on to play Panama in the quarterfinals, in Philadelphia, this Saturday. I might take the train up to see that match, as long as I don’t have to visit any racist swimming clubs.
Meanwhile, Mexico pulled their heads out of their asses and won Group C courtesy of a 2-0 victory over make-believe country Guadeloupe, which, as the boys from “South Park” said about Canada, is “not even a real country anyway.”

Finally, am I the only one who gets the shit annoyed out of them by the automatically playing videos on ESPN’s Web site?

Diski Dance, Y'all

2009-07-15T01:05:00.002-04:00

Since I'm bored senseless here enduring another dreary Melbourne day, my thoughts turned to South Africa 2010.

And, with Hoover nominating me as the Cruise Director for the trip, I found the following South Africa travel ad for the World Cup online.

Enjoy.

Rudd Tries to Be Relevant Again

2009-07-11T16:54:00.002-04:00

More guys in suits trying to play soccer.

As part of Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd's neverending attempt to become relevant on the world stage, he stopped in Switzerland following a trip to Berlin before becoming a hanger-on at the G8 Summit in Italy.

This time, it was to meet with FIFA President Sepp Blatter to lobby for Australia's 2018/2022 World Cup bid. I totally support the Aussie bid for 2022, but he looks just ridiculous kissing ass like this on the world stage.

And, this kind of crap will continue until FIFA chooses the 2018/2022 host nations in December 2010. Ugh.

Can we please just agree on one thing? Please, please no more dorks in suits trying to play soccer for yet another photo-op.

SA stadium builders need a pay rise

2009-07-08T18:10:00.002-04:00

Work has halted on South Africa’s World Cup venues as 70,000 labourers have launched what they call the “mother of all strikes,” according to the Daily Mail.

EPA/Jon Hrusa

Work on stadiums for next year’s World Cup was halted today when 70,000 South African builders launched an indefinite strike.

Union chiefs confirmed construction on several unfinished stadiums was stopped at midday as builders downed tools following a dispute over pay.

In Johannesburg 3,000 workers at South Africa’s showpiece Soccer City stadium were this afternoon marching in protest to the headquarters of the 2010 Fifa World Cup to demand better wages.

Ever since FIFA announced South Africa as the venue for the 2010 World Cup there has been chatter about whether the country could get its act together in time, or whether they could even mount such an event. Strikes like this one will only heighten those concerns. It will be interesting to see how this plays out.

Labour issues abound everywhere, and this action doesn’t mean the country isn’t ready for the World Cup — not by a long shot. It recalls the drama around Athens’ hosting of the Olympics a few years ago.

According to the story, builders working on the stadiums earn an average of £185 (US$296) per month, “often for a seven day working week.” They’re asking for a 13 percent rise (to £215, or US$345) but management has countered with only 10 percent.

I, for one, support these workers.

Not to put a downer on the FGOC World Cup tour, but it’s a bit sobering when you think that the four of us are spending all this money and trekking all that way to get pissed and yell during a game in a stadium built by thousands of people making next to nothing in wages.

Gold Cup, Spice Boyz and Andres Escobar

2009-07-06T09:11:00.002-04:00

Well, the U.S. team got off to a roaring start in the CONCACAF Gold Cup over the weekend, beating Grenada 4-0. Freddy Adu (6’), Stuart Holden (30’), Robbie Rogers (59’) and Charlie Davies (67’) scored the goals during the match in Seattle.

The match also featured U.S. goalie Troy Perkins, who used to play for United here in D.C. Most of the regular players had returned to their MLS team or had taken time off before the start of the European season, so the backbenchers got to get some quality P.T.

One other tidbit of note: Grenada’s team nickname is the Spice Boyz. I am not making this up. Maybe this means one of them will marry Mia Hamm.

So which one of them is Sporty Spice?

In other football news, would the Colombians please stop shooting each other over soccer?

A Colombian soccer player shot and killed a fan for calling him “lousy” on Sunday, days after the player’s team lost a local championship, police said.

Javier Florez, a midfielder for the Atletico Junior team of the Caribbean city if Barranquilla, ran from the scene of the shooting but soon turned himself in to authorities.

Witnesses told police Florez shot Israel Castillo with a handgun after the 27-year-old electrician called him a “maleta” — which in Colombian parlance describes a “lousy” player.

Andres Escobar, anyone?

Blatter Blabs About South Africa

2009-07-01T00:52:00.002-04:00

I wanted to share this little interview with the readers of FGOC. Sepp Blatter, the Swiss president of FIFA, decided to bless us with the following assessment of South Africa's preparation for hosting the 2010 World Cup.

Now, I first heard it as an audio clip so it might not translate well in the printed word - but this school analogy makes absolutely no sense to me.

Enjoy.

If you get a five mark you have to repeat class, a six and you go to middle school,' Blatter told a post-Confederations Cup press conference.

'South Africa are definitely in college and on their way to university. They're just missing half a point which they may pick up by the time of the World Cup draw in December.

'I want to give you a ten by the World Cup and then you are in masters.'

What the F does that mean? And somehow, the final grade is a 7.5.

But, there's more...

'So I am satisfied with the way the competition went but there are still challenges which will have to be dealt with in terms of transport and accommodation.

'Next year there will be 450,000 fans for the World Cup and they need to get to and from matches and back to where they are staying. Camps are not really an option as it will be winter here.'

Camps? CAMPS? What on God's green Earth is he talking about?

Game over

2009-06-28T16:33:00.002-04:00

Well, shit. That sucked.

Don't you hate it when your team is not supposed to win, and then they play like hell and give you hope, and then you think that you will actually win, but then the universe course-corrects and the team that was supposed to win actually does?

That happens a lot to us Aggies, and it happened today with the USA.

Giving up a goal within two minutes after halftime is never good. It was a nice goal, though. And we dodged a bullet with a no-goal that, upon review, should have been one. But damn. Giving up three goals in the second half is never good.

I can't fault Howard or the defence. Our offence couldn't sustain anything in the second 45, and our midfield passes sucked. We seemed to favour passing straight to Brazilian defenders.

In all, though, a highly entertaining game that gives me hope for the World Cup next year.

Great job, boys.

-- Posted From My iPhone

Halfway there

2009-06-28T15:33:00.001-04:00

The USA are up 2-0 on Brazil thanks to Clint Dempsey and a mammoth goal by Landon Donovan. I've been a Donovan critic, but he is playing his ass off right now. He's creative and is coming up big.

Our defence is solid, and Tim Howard so far has been a brick wall in goal in the face of an all-out assault by Brazil.

Forty-five minutes to go. I hope we can hold it.

-- Posted From My iPhone

Let's go to tape

2009-06-25T09:13:00.002-04:00

Highlights of the USA win over Spain in the Confederations Cup. Done the right way, of course, as only Univision can:

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!

Also, a nice analysis by George Vecsey of The New York Times, calling it the "miracle on grass."

Suck it, Mike

2009-06-24T16:25:00.002-04:00

Oh, Mike.

Mike, Mike, Mike.

Resident USA hater Martin Fabricio, a.k.a. Mike "Mister Man" Herrmann, just didn’t believe in magic. Either that, or he provided some nice bulletin-board fodder for the Yanks, who just blanked Spain, of all teams, in the Confederations Cup.

USA 2, Spain 0 is your final from South Africa, and the Americans will head to the final.

USA caused one of the biggest surprises in international football history by beating European champions Spain to reach the Confederations Cup final.

Jozy Altidore scored the opener when he turned his marker Joan Capdevila to fire in from 15 yards.

Fulham’s Clint Dempsey doubled the lead when he converted Landon Donovan’s pass from close range.

Tim Howard saved from Fernando Torres and Cesc Fabregas before USA's Michael Bradley saw red for a tackle of Xavi.

Sounds like the U.S. side actually mounted up a bit of defence, not to mention some offensive firepower. I have not seen the game yet, but it sounds like goalie Tim Howard and the American defence were the keys to the match. It also sounds like we mounted a better all-around game, as the New York Times notes:

Tackling by the United States was superb, deference was nonexistent, recovery was vigilant and dramatic:

A muscular shoulder halted a Spanish run. A head arrived just in time to clear a ball away. A desperate slide smothered a shot. A leg raised at the last second deflected a threatening pass.

After a 3-0 win over Egypt on Sunday and an unlikely advance to the semifinals after defeats to Italy and Brazil, the United States’ previous caution became assertiveness. Against a team so secure in possession of the ball, the United States dictated the action at times, while Spain seemed back on its heels, out of sorts, its players grumbling and frustrated, raising their arms and leaning their heads back in exasperation.

The United States sent its captain into the lineup for the first time in the tournament. Carlos Bocanegra, who had missed the first round with a hamstring injury, returned Wednesday, this time at left back instead of his usual position in central defense.

The Americans preached patience and resilience.

With the win, the Americans prevented Spain from setting a new world record of 36 games without a loss.

I suppose Mike might log on and defend his lameness, but then again, he's probably "too busy" to blog.

Hold On There, Chachmo!

2009-06-21T21:13:00.002-04:00

"All of the critics in America who said we were no good after losing to Italy and Brazil, let's see what they say now," Michael Bradley said.

Umm, the US soccer team still sucks and will not score more than 3 goals in the World Cup.

That's what they say now.

Let me put this into perspective for you. Michael Bradley, a previous reserve for team USA, is boasting after this victory. This was a victory by FIFA's #14 ranked team, USA, over FIFA's #40 ranked team, Egypt. He seems to also be taking credit for Brazil's huge victory over Italy.

The fact of the matter is this. I am thankful that I will be in the timezone, and potentially, in the city, when we fail to score in most of our games and fail to advance past the group stage. It's much better than waking up at 3:30am to see that.

*As a preemptive strike against the barrage of slurs about to come my way for not posting...SUCK IT! (some people have to work for a living!)

Insert Terry Gilliam reference here

2009-06-19T09:32:00.000-04:00

I was looking in on the ESPN “gamecast” of yesterday’s Confederations Cup match between the USA and Brazil as it happened, but last night I got to watch a bit of it on my DVR.

Now, we all knew what the outcome of the game would be. (It ended up being 3-0 Brazil, but I expected worse.) I don’t think any of us entertained any serious notions of the Yanks pulling off the upset of the powerhouse that is Brazil, with their Kaká and their Robinho and their Fabiano. (Not to mention their goalkeeper, Júlio César — as my friend Dave said, is he going to get stabbed in the back by one of his teammates? “Et tu, Kaká?”)

What I didn’t expect was for us to look completely and utterly incompetent. I mean, yeah, I expected the time of possession to be heavily in Brazil’s favour, but I did anticipate some sort of defence out of the U.S. side. Then again, we were missing defenders Carlos Bocanegra, Steve Cherundolo and Frankie Hejduk, so there was a mountain to climb by itself.

And also for us not to give up the ball on ridiculous miscues just when we get an offence going. It looked like a case of being star-struck, or stage fright, or something.

Some thoughts:

Landon Donovan played well, and even had some good moves in the forward area.
Brazil’s first goal came on a free kick from about 20 yards out, but that free kick was based on a foul that shouldn’t have been called. Not that I’m making excuses (plus, it was beautiful ball placement by Maicon), but still. Giving up a goal in the first six minutes is a definite killer.
U.S. goalie Tim Howard had no chance on the second Brazil goal, a breakaway by Robinho in the 19th minute.
Things settle down a bit in the second half (hey, we held them to one goal!), but I didn’t bother to watch. So I didn’t see what the fuss was about when Sacha Kljestan was sent off in the 56th minute.
Speaking of time of possession, the U.S. had only three shots (none on goal) in the first half, notching only two more (again none on goal) in the second. I think a couple may have hit the crossbar. Brazil had 14 shots, eight of which were on goal.
DeMarcus Beasley sucks.

So, the Seleção continue to own our asses, and this game exposed some pretty big weaknesses. We have a lot of tinkering to do before the World Cup.

You Cannot Stop Tim Cahill, You Can Only Hope to Contain Him

2009-06-18T06:55:00.001-04:00

And Japan didn’t.

In front of nearly 70,000 fans at the Melbourne Cricket Ground – Australia came back from a 0-1 halftime deficit to see Tim Cahill score twice in the second half to top Japan 2-1. With the victory, Australia now sits atop the Asian qualifiers for the World Cup.

I made my way to The G well before kickoff – arriving at 7:30 pm for a late 8:20 pm kickoff – just to take in the atmosphere. Melbourne has a pretty sizeable Japanese student population – and they came out to support their team in force.

But, um, it was a little unstable.

I saw not one, but two young Japanese male fans dressed as…um…well, there’s really no other way to say it…

Kamikazes

It was very, very unstable – and I think I did a triple take.

Is 65 years a little too soon?

Anyway – the game was great, the atmosphere terrific, and I am now even more excited for the South Africa trip. I was sitting in the nosebleeds with several friends – without Herrmann of course – he had a “conference” for the “tourism industry” and “couldn’t make it.”

Whatever.

I had the 1974 retro Australia jersey – the first time the team played in the World Cup and an Aussie soccer scarf I bought back in 2006 when Australia played Greece in a pre-Germany 2006 friendly. I can’t wait to wear them again.

I’m fully onboard the Aussie bandwagon and can’t wait for South Africa.

Oh, and one other thing to the FGOC guys. I say we offer a few ground rules for the World Cup.

#1: There will be an official one beer penalty for anyone that participates in the Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi, Oi cheer. Terrible.

The Diving Divas

2009-06-17T10:39:00.002-04:00

While we await Drew’s recap of Australia’s 2-1 win over Japan in World Cup qualifying — he was there, live and in person, in Melbourne — here is a little humour.

We at FGOC hate the Italian team. Well, at least I do. This is for them:

Hat tip to my pal Dave for sending this to me.

South Africa in 2010 – Australia in 2022?

2009-06-15T06:54:00.004-04:00

As the world takes a somewhat early glimpse into South Africa 2010 with this week’s Confederations Cup, countries around the globe are tarting up like an 18 year old freshmen girl at SMU Rush Week to be chosen as host nations for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups.

Australia launched its “audacious” bid at the nation’s capital on Sunday, replete with more politicians trying to get on TV than a…well, a bunch of politicians at a World Cup launch.

Pretty much everyone agrees that England will be awarded the 2018 Cup – they are the home of the game, haven’t hosted since 1966, the EPL is the “premier” league, and Europe will have gone two World Cups without hosting by 2018.

But 2022 is a different ballgame. Russia, the US, and Australia all are considered the top countries. I don’t see how Russia could get it after England, so you have to figure that my two home countries are in the running. USA 94 saw the largest crowds in World Cup history and the largest market was wrapped in World Cup glory that glorious Summer. But, despite its’ best intentions, Major League Soccer is still a very distant fifth sport in the US and soccer still hasn’t cracked the public consciousness – and probably never will.

So, I say we support Australia’s bid. The country will need to build several new World Cup worth stadiums, the time zones suck, and the sport is still relegated behind Aussie Rules, rugby, and even cricket – but with the success of the Socceroos in 2006 and the growing popularity of the domestic A-League, soccer is on the rise. Plus, Aussies absolutely love a bandwagon to jump on and if the World Cup powers that be can take the competition to places like South Korea and South Africa – why not here?

Oh, and check out the official Australia “Come Play” video. Pretty cool except for the absolutely blatant product placement of a certain company from Oregon.

And, it kinda reminds me (a lot) of this commercial from that same company – guess there’s only so much you can do with a soccer ball.

To see more on the Australia World Cup bid – check out the official site and join me in bringing the great game Down Under – we’ll be happy to host you here in Melbourne.

It’s Official

2009-06-11T02:23:00.003-04:00

Australia’s going to South Africa, and so is FGOC!

Following a circle jerk, 0-0 tie in Qatar, Australia became the second team to secure a ticket to South Africa.

It was a ho-hum game and pretty uneventful here in Australia, mostly because it happened in the middle of the night our time and it didn’t have the same suspense as 2006 – but that’s a good thing.

The Boys From Oz played a 2-0 victory over Bahrain to a pathetic 39,000 “strong” crowd in Sydney last night to further strengthen the #1 Asia position as many second teamers trying to gain coach Pim Verbeek’s affection.

Let’s just say that next week’s Australia – Japan match at The G should be a more exciting game. It’s a chance to shore up that top ranking, to beat a world class team, and to play before the best sports crowd in Australia.

I’ll be there wearing the green and gold and getting in some practice for South Africa. Plus, I’d love to see some Japanese ass getting kicked.

Speaking of – I received a full package (mark that) of stuff from Tourism South Africa to start planning our trip. It was great. Three random posters in a shipping sleeve – some random waterfall and two safari pictures, a hotel guide from 2004, and a general “Welcome to South Africa” brochure from a few years ago. Thought it was great that they sent so much stuff and I can’t wait to get more.

Maybe we can put up one of those Tourism South Africa posters at the new Bonza Bike shop in Melbourne with a big countdown calendar – 364 days to go!

USA wins!

2009-06-08T09:58:00.000-04:00

Well the USA got some redemption Saturday night in Chicago. After that disastrous outing down in Costa Rica last week, we needed a win.

(First, I have to call out Mike for not blogging about the Costa Rica game. He said he was going to. But he let all of you Four Guys One Cuppers down, didn’t he? You all should pile on next time he posts. What an asshat.)

Anyway, I got pretty nervous when we gave up a goal in the fifth minute. My friends and I were just saying, “If we can keep this to 0-0 by the half, we’ll be in good shape.” Then bam, goal. Ouch, suck.

Clint Dempsey flubbed a backheel five minutes in, Honduras pounced on it and the United States fell behind early for the second time in four days.

“Here we go again,” U.S. captain Carlos Bocanegra thought.

But as the half drew to a close, a hand ball in the penalty zone by Mario Beata put Landon Donovan on the line for a penalty kick, which he drained. (Although he came scarily close to hitting the crossbar on his shot.)

Donovan played pretty well, all told. Sometimes he seems like he can’t be bothered to be there, or if one thing goes wrong in the early stages it sticks with him like a bad cold and affects his play for the rest of the game. But he was solid, and it was his corner kick that came in and eventually found Carlos Bocanegra’s head for the go-ahead goal in the 68th minute.

So for the first time in 24 years the Yanks came from behind to win a World Cup qualifier, and they did it in front of 55,647 at Soldier Field, itself a former World Cup venue. (Granted, the Hondurans were out in full force. The USA seriously needs some better fans.)

We’re now two points behind Costa Rica and a full five points ahead of El Salvador. Meanwhile, Mexico is in serious danger: They are 1-0-3 in qualifying and have notched only three points, making them fifth out of six teams in CONCACAF. Only the top three qualify, of course. I will laugh if the Mexicans don’t make it.

Australia vs. Qatar

2009-06-05T00:14:00.003-04:00

Hopefully, the game's not here.

Beginning at 2 am Melbourne time Saturday, Australia plays Qatar (pronounced KA-tar, not cut-ter) to secure the first official spot in the 2010 World Cup. Why this game is being played so damned late in the night Aussie time is beyond me - and don't tell me it's because of the heat - it's a f'in desert.

The game is getting a fair bit of coverage here in Australia, but not nearly as much as it should, especially since the Aussie celebrated like a 16 year old boy at his first strip joint when they beat Uruguay in 2005 to make it to Germany 06.

I actually agree with Australia star striker Tim Cahill about the apathetic Australians:

"I don't listen to the criticism. I am sick of it, people who are criticising us in the situation we are in, purely because we are one point away from qualifying for the World Cup.

"People can't be grateful for the schedules we have got and how hard we work, domestically and internationally, to give everything to our country. People who criticise are very fickle and forget how hard it is to qualify for the World Cup. It's the media who want to build things up and for me it upsets me and makes me angry and the best thing is just to play football and hopefully do the business."

I'll be cheering from the Aussies to put this thing to bed so they can prepare for South Africa 2010 and not be jerked around. Plus, Daddy's really looking forward to seeing the Australians play Japan on June 17th at The G.

Quick hit

2009-06-03T16:20:00.002-04:00

The U.S. national team plays a World Cup qualifier tonight in Costa Rica. The Ticos are only one point behind us in the CONCACAF standings, and we have had serious trouble in Saprissa Stadium, a.k.a. “La Cueva del Monstruo” (the monster’s cave):

The Ticos, as the hosts are known, play their home matches in a tall, rectangular, 23,000-seat venue known to generate structural tremors that rival a mild earthquake in this geologically unstable land. Without a running track to serve as a buffer, spectators are about 10 yards from the sidelines, separated from the players by wire fence that tilts inward at the top to prevent pitch invasions.

…

In a 1996 qualifier, U.S. players were pelted with batteries, coins, chemical substances and bags of urine — acts that belied the character of a country that does not have a standing military, boasts a Nobel Peace Prize winner (President Oscar Arias) and boasts numerous yoga and spiritual retreats amid its natural wonders.

Bags of urine! Now that’s special. (I also wonder what the cryptic “chemical substances” means.)

One game note: U.S. defender Frankie Hejduk is not expected to play due to groin injury, but he most likely will be back in action Saturday against Honduras in Chi-town.

Zee Germans

2009-06-02T10:12:00.008-04:00

If only to get that Chelski bullshit off the top of the page, I’ll continue our tour of World Cup countries. Scotty T has already touched on them briefly, but I’ll give it a go, too. And mostly because I want to make fun of Scott, albeit in a small and obvious way.

Gërmänÿ

I love Germany. Hell, I have to — my maternal grandmother grew up speaking German at home, and she still curses in the Muttersprache from time to time. Even my surname, Hoover, is of Germanic origins and used to have the all-important umlaut (Hüber).

I’ve only been to Germany once, somehow, and I didn’t even get to Berlin. But I did hit Munich — wait, München, I have to use that umlaut; it’s like cowbell — and loved it. I was familiar with it from my childhood, because my dad went there on business a lot. That probably explained why he had a tendency toward Löwenbräu (I got a fever!) at dinnertime, and I still have one of the ornate steins he brought back.

Ah, the Hauptbahnhof, the Marienplatz and the glockenspiel. That’s an in-joke for Mike. He and I were there on the same college study abroad program, oh, 11 years ago. We drank some serious beer at the Hofbräuhaus (You’re gonna want that umlaut!), and sang along with the oom-pah band.

Besides, he’s as German as they come, way more than I am. My other half is Scottish, but Mike’s all kraut. All blond hair, blue eyes and such an über-German surname. (Not to mention a redundant one — his name is Mike Mister Man.) Just for shits and giggles, here’s a picture of Mr. Mister Mann in front of some shop in Munich:

But I digress.

What’s not to love about Germany? Oh, right. The genocide and war-starting recidivism. But we’ve forgiven them by now, nein? They’re on our side, or at least they were until their poor chancellor had to endure a public molestation by our idiot former president. (Sorry about that, Angela!) But they do love them some Barry, so maybe we’re back in good graces.

Of course, there’s the beer, blah blah. But they also have some pretty hot women, albeit in a very technical, angular way. They have given us my favourite word of all time: schadenfreude. (This might be Drew’s, too.) They hate the space bar (how the Hölle are there only two umlauts in that word?). Their motoring prowess is well documented. And, yes, the “people’s car” sponsors my Stateside football club’s kit.

And their team is good, too. It’s funny that every stereotype you pick for Germans — technical, efficient, meticulous, blond — is personified in their national team. Just like the Italians are raging pussies on the football pitch, Germans are brutally efficient and technical in their play.

One downside is their really unstable nickname: Die Mannschaft. This supposedly translates into “The Team,” which is nice and pretentious and all, but come on. Mannschaft. Man Shaft? No wonder Thompson likes them. His self-proclaimed man-crush on Michael Ballack now makes perfect sense. (OK that was not a very good payoff for the FST bashing at the top of this post, I admit it.)

I remember watching their matches in the 2002 World Cup, particularly because they knocked out the USA in the quarterfinals. They eventually lost to Brazil, 2-0. Heartbreak in ’06, when they hosted the damn thing. They were 3-0 out of group play, top of Group A, and had a mixed bag in the knockout stage — blanking the Swedes and tying Argentina before losing to the Diving Divas in the semis. They got minor redemption in the third-place game, knocking out that bitch Christiano Ronaldo’s Portugal 3-1.

Although let it be noted that Scott’s dream boy/man shaft Michael Ballack had zero goals in ’06. (Maybe it’s his lack of an umlaut.)

Plus, they had be-umlauted coach Jürgen Klinsmann (Sure, baby! Just say it!) take them to great success. His departure after ’06 made me happy, because I thought the U.S. national team just might hire the guy to replace Bruce Arena. But no, the fucks in the league office decided against Klinsmann, who wanted to coach the Americans, because — well, because the head of U.S. Soccer is an asshat.

All of this to say that I won’t mind watching Germany in the World Cup, even though my (secondary) national team is France. And well know how that can turn out.

Chelsea Finally Wins Something (or 'Thank You Guus, Now Go Coach Russia' or 'Gee I Miss Jose')

2009-05-31T23:31:00.003-04:00

Speaking of Diving Divas

2009-05-29T11:16:00.003-04:00

Oddly, this is in the Scottish league and not in Italy, but Rangers striker Kyle Lafferty takes diving to new levels of ridiculous in a match against Aberdeen:

That's piss poor. Charlie Mulgrew, the Aberdeen player, got the red card. Awful.

Lafferty has apologised, but still. What a twat. Maybe Marcello Lippi can give him a spot on the Azzurri.

Oh, and also:

Go Aberdeen!

First You Get the Women, Then You Get the Power, Then You Get The Tickets

2009-05-28T22:47:00.002-04:00

I get a lot of grief from my Aussie friends for being an American, stealing away Aussie women, and living the high life in this beautiful country.

Apparently, I also steal World Cup tickets to watch their team…

World Cup's ticket sell-out
May 29, 2009
AP

FIFA says tickets are sold out for the opening and final matches of next year's World Cup, as well as all games involving England, Brazil, Argentina, Australia, Ireland and The Netherlands.

In a statement yesterday, FIFA said the semi-finals and all Cape Town, Nelspruit and Pretoria matches were sold out as well.

Australia has not officially qualified but just one draw in its remaining three qualifiers will see it through.

I really had no idea how lucky we must have been to get these tickets. And, despite the bitching people might read here on “Four Guys, One Cup,” we really are appreciative that we scored these tickets and will root for Australia to go as far as possible.

But, it’s still pretty funny that four asshole Americans have these prized Australian World Cup tickets.

Argentina

2009-05-27T10:03:00.002-04:00

I realized that I inadvertently reviewed the Axis powers in my last post. Cool. Well, since I did that, I might as well review a country where many of their war criminals went to hide after the war. Hello, Argentina, where Nazis and Jews are both welcome!

Now, when I think of Argentines, the first four that come to mind are Manu Ginobili, the Perons, and Jorge Luis Borges. I only like one of those four. However, I'm willing to overlook that, b/c the country kicks ass. If I could visit just one SA country, it would be Argentina in a landslide. Such diverse geography, amazing food, beautiful women, great wine, and a laid-back lifestyle. Plus, they gave us the tango and empanadas. I love this country. Did I mention that they have the highest consumption of red meat in the world? What's not to love.

I remember WC 2006, waking up early to go watch Mexico/Argentina at Fado in Austin. I was feasting on Guinness and an Irish breakfast (which I expensed to 3M). Some dude from Mexico walked in with one of those stupid soccer scarves draped over his shoulders, proclaiming his love for his homeland. I eavesdropped on their conversation later, and realized he didn't know jack shit about soccer (and this is coming from a guy who doesn't really know that much about soccer). I cheered with glee when whatshisnuts made that amazing sideways kick to demoralize the Mexicans. Heck, the next week when they played Germany, I honestly wouldn't have been disappointed if they had won. (Why do I like the Nazi countries so much? What the fuck is wrong with me?)

Anyway, I will be rooting for the Argentines hard-core in Suthefrika. I think they should make a bet with the UK. Whichever team goes furthest in WC 2010 gets control of the Falkland Islands forever. Done. No more stupid, pretend wars over them. That would motivate the Argentines to bulldoze through the Cup, bringing it back to this side of the Atlantic. Hell, I may change my allegiance right now. Fuck it, it's official. After the USA, I'm pulling for Argentina! Viva la...whatever.

Keep on keepin' on...

Death to Smoochy -- er, Zakumi

2009-05-26T14:56:00.004-04:00

It’s time to talk about mascots. Namely, the official mascot of World Cup 2010, Zakumi.

Now, mascots for international sporting competitions are usually completely, utterly and totally stupid. We get the weird “Fuwa” characters from Beijing, which looked like custey/evil teddy bears, and nine other character abominations throughout the years.

FIFA in particular has been a horrible offender, foisting the worst of mascot abortions to footballing fandom. To wit: Goleo, the ridiculous lion from WC06; Ato, Kaz and Nik (a.k.a. The Spheriks), the weird computer-generated gummy-looking blobs from WC02; and Striker, the lame Underdog rip-off from WC94. (Could Striker be any more anthropomorphically American?)

In 1990 FIFA completely phoned it in, coming up with a stick figure of sugar cubes (or something) in Italy’s colours, with (wait for it) a soccer ball as a head! … and calling it “Ciao.” What the fuck is Ciao? Isn’t your mascot supposed to be welcoming people to your country, not bidding them farewell? (Yes, I know it’s like “aloha” and can mean both, but who really says “ciao” when they say hello?)

But Zakumi? Really?

Look at this fucking thing. It has its hand on its hip — sassy! It’s yellow! It has flowing green hair! And matching green shorts! There are freckles! Wait, is that supposed to be a cheetah?

According to FIFA’s PR hacks, the name “Zakumi” apparently comes from mashing up “ZA,” which stands for South Africa somehow, and “kumi,” which means “10” in certain African languages. Gee, I’d love to have been in the brainstorming session for this one. So, if the tournament were being held in America, would they call him Usadiez?

FIFA tells us that Zakumi is “a Mascot with attitude.” (Uh-oh. Paging Poochie.) But what does that mean?

So what can we say about him? One thing is for sure, Zakumi will be first on the dancefloor and last off it at the biggest party in the world — the 2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa™. He wants to dance and entertain as many people as he can. He is an animator for fans, players and officials, for schoolchildren, teenagers and big kids alike!

…

Zakumi is a jolly, self-confident, adventurous, spontaneous, and actually quite shrewd little fellow. He loves to perform and always follows his instinct and intuition, yet sometimes has the tendency to exaggerate a bit. You will often find him fooling about and teasing people but not in a mean way. He is warm-hearted and caring, and wants to make as many friends as possible.

…

Zakumi’s main priority is to turn the 2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa into one huge, joyful and unforgettable party and show the thousands of international guests the warmth and spirit of the African continent.

He just wants to dance, people.

My god, this is the worst of PR pabulum. I should know; I trade in it daily.

Oh, and wait — Zakumi is a leopard, apparently. And that comes with some occupational hazards:

He does have one striking weakness. With all his energy, he needs frequent rests. Occasionally, in-between performances on stage, he may suddenly fall asleep on the spot at the most random times! But rest assured, these are only short breaks that a leopard of his calibre needs to recharge his batteries.

So we have a gay narcoleptic leopard as our official mascot. Great.

While the cartoon rendering is bad, the live-action costume is even worse. Here he is molesting South African World Cup Chairman Danny Jordaan. Here he is sporting some serious camel toe. But one thing we know for sure is, Zakumi loves the fly girls.

I swear on all that is holy, if this fucking thing accosts me at any World Cup event next year, I’m going to kick him squarely in the balls.

All Whites? In South Africa? Are You Serious?

2009-05-25T18:31:00.003-04:00

One of the all white All Whites

Picking up on the tour of possible countries to join us in South Africa, I read an article today about the chances of New Zealand making it to The Show.

New Zealand.

Four million rugby loving people on the most remote country on Earth. More sheep than people. The greatness of "Flight of the Conchords." Kiwis.

For some bizarre reason, the sports team in the antipodes like to give stupid nicknames to all their national teams. The Wallabies. The Socceroos. The All Blacks. The Silver Ferns. Matildas. Boomers. On and on.

THE ALL WHITES????

Yes, apparently, the New Zealand soccer/football team is called the "All Whites."

And, they have a real shot at getting to South Africa. They have already pretty much sewn up the Oceania section and just have to win a home-and-home series against the fifth place Asian team to make it.

To South Africa. The "All Whites" in South Africa.

This is very, very uncomfortable.

Now, supposedly they have that name as a response to the "All Blacks" of rugby union fame, named for their all black unies. Plus, the All Black team, while not all black, do have a very strong Maori representation.

And, yes, New Zealand's unies are all white. But still.

Let's just hope that the Kiwis...um, All Whites make sure that their (possible) South African hosts realize this.

Heckling at the Workplace and Other Such Shennanigans

2009-05-24T19:57:00.003-04:00

My dear friend, FST, made a great observation about the poor taste in Italian heckling. This got me thinking about heckling in general. First, I am a true fan of the heckle. I think the heckle-moment that solidified my appreciation for the art was in the top half of the 7th inning at a Rangers game in 1993. To set the scene, the Rangers were playing the Twins and our seats were about 10 rows back from the opposition's batting circle. After two innings of every fan ripping into the Twins, the heckling lost some steam (as you do when you watch a game that is as boring as baseball). The great redemption occured when former Twin great, Kirby Puckett, snuck into the batting circle, unnoticed by all sections nearby...bar one fan. As I dipped into the greatness of stadium nachos, I heard the heckle "Hey everyone! Look! It's FATBOY!!!!" Now, let me break down why this was so comical. First, obviously, Kirby Puckett, was fat. Second, true heckling greatness means fighting the elements, such as boredom. Finally, it was simple, and clean...the most pure form of the heckle.

This brings me to my pontification for the week. Why doesn't some sports related product company, like Gatorade or the likes, do a contest where you can have a superstar come to your office and heckle you. I think this would make for great TV. I can imagine winning the contest and having LeBron James come to my office and yell things like:

Hey Herrmann! What happened with that type-o? Did your skirt fly up in your face?
Hey fatty! My three year old can create a better bar chart than you with his crayons!
(Thundersticks clapping together while he and the whole Cavs team are swaying back and forth together during a meeting) Herrrrrrrrrmmmmaaaaannnnnnn!!! Herrrrrrrrrrmmmmmaaaaannnnnnnnn!!!!
You shouldn't call those 3rd Quarter results! You should call them SHIT!

Now on to football... I read this article today (http://soccernet.espn.go.com/columns/story?id=649031&sec=us&root=us&cc=3436). I am deeply saddenned by the US ability to hope and pray that good players magically appear on our national team. This article represents the biggest stretch I have seen yet to make this happen. Alternatively, there could be so little to write about our team, that this writer got bored and said "Hmmmm, what international players could I loosely tie back to the US...oh, I see Ronaldo appeared on the Carson Daly Show. Let's see, that puts him only 10 years away from citizenship!"

Team reviews coming up...

Get off your knees ref, you're blowing the game!

Fabricio

Jorge Campos Hates Us

2009-05-22T17:45:00.003-04:00

Thanks a ton for all the well wishes on the newest member of the family - and I have to apologize for that awful neon green/Seattle Sounders look. Obviously didn't plan ahead for the first pics.

I'll pick up on FST's country musings with what has to be the most pathetic (possible) entry in this year's World Cup, our favorite neighbors to the south.

Mexico

Mexicans f'in love soccer. I mean that freakin' live for that sport. Anytime a Mexican team, or *the* Mexican team "El Tri" plays in the States, tens of thousands of passionate and drunk Mexicans come out of nowhere to yell Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole.

And they suck.

I've only been to a handful of international matches, one being a USA - Mexico friendly back in 2002 or 2003 at Dallas' crappy Cotton Bowl. Probably 50,000 crazy drunk on Tecate Mexicans and about 1000 white bread yuppies for the US. And the US won in closing minutes. Made for 50,000 very, very pissed Mexicans. I also once saw Pumas play Tigres in Dallas and it was awesome. And, you gotta love their jerseys - with more crazy ads than...well, than a Mexican soccer jersey.

Rumors are that unless they pull a few victories out of nowhere, they might not even qualify for the World Cup. At least they got rid of that no talent asshat Sven-Goren Eriksson as a coach - worked almost as well in Mexico as England.

But, I hope they pull it out and make it to the World Cup in South Africa. It means so much to the Mexican people, especially when they have to play to empty stadiums back home.

Plus, maybe they'll bring some good Mexican beer and excellent Mexican food for the visit.

Congrats!

2009-05-21T09:24:00.001-04:00

Father and Son in Green
Originally uploaded by kabl1992

Maybe we should make it Five Guys, One Cup.

Regardless, a hearty congratulations to FGOCer Drew and his wife, Anna, who gave birth Thursday (Melbourne time) to a healthy baby boy, their second child.

Everyone's doing fine, and apparently the squid is sleeping a lot, which should afford Drew many opportunities to blog about, well, football of course.

Well done Team Douglas.

Previewing Nations

2009-05-20T13:02:00.006-04:00

I have an idea that each of us occasionally weigh in with our thoughts on World Cup 2010 teams (even some that may not qualify). I'll knock a few out right here. No double reviews. If someone reviews a team before you, tough shit; it's your own fault.

Germany: OK, they kind of have the reputation of being a bunch of racist, intolerant pricks who show no compassion. Also, their history of killing ethnic minorities is not so great. They were against us in both World Wars. So, you might ask yourself, why do I like them? The answer is, I'm not really sure. Maybe I admire how far they've come since WWII (and, if we go back far enough, WWII was kind of France's fault anyway). I've met quite a few and found them to be warm, friendly people. I spent some time in Europe a few years back, and Munich was probably my favorite city that I visited. Their pride, cuisine, beer, and fine-ass, eager lasses are all big positives.

As far as football goes, I admire their physical style of play. They don't pull that pussy boy, fall down and act like you just got raped crap, whenever someone so much as nicks the edge of their cleats. Well, they do a little, but not nearly as much as the southern European teams (we'll get to them in a bit). I also like German names. If Italy had a player named Schweinsteiger, it would greatly increase my opinion of them. Their bruising style and macho attitude is very refreshing. Oh, and Michael Ballack has the best hair of any footballer alive.

Japan: When you live in Korea (or even visit), you quickly learn that Korean children are taught to blindly hate Japan. There's good reason for this, for Koreans. Japan has invaded and fucked with Korea on multiple occasions. Japan traditionally has a more barbaric military culture, compared to Korea's peaceful nature (unless they're hopped up on soju). I've been to an occupation era prison and seen the little coffin-like recesses where Korean nationalists were locked up for three days. At the end of the three days, they would come out paralyzed. Japan basically raped and killed this country into hating it.

Now, I've been to Japan, and I know that things have changed (just like in Germany). However, when you have hundreds of Korean kids constantly reminding you how much they suck, you start to believe it. Now, whenever I hear, "Teacher, Korea good, Japan bad!", I'm like, "Yeah, fuck those guys!" So I blindly hate Japan. Deal with it. I hope they lose and all of their players get the Mexican Flu.

Italy: I hope they go 0-3 in the opening round. I hate their guts. Every time I see Manu Ginobili (he's really Italian) flopping like a wounded duck whenever someone comes within two feet of him, it makes me hate Italy. Grosso, De Rossi, Rossi, Toni, Zambrotta, etc. Those pussy boy pricks with their slick hair and drama queen flops make me want to puke my guts out. This is a sport, not the fucking opera.

Also, how fucking racist can a country be in this day and age? Black players are called monkeys by chanting fans at club matches? Are you fucking kidding me? And a large number of fans participate? Christ, what a crap culture Italy has turned into. I should start a website called whitepeopleloveus.com http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com, with testimonials from condescending Eurotrash Italian football fans, about how much they really love African-born players. If it weren't for their food and their country's scenery, I'd wish obliteration upon them and their hairy-armpitted women.

Portugal: I don't think they're going to qualify, but this pretty much sums up my thoughts on Portugal and Douchebaggio Ronaldo: http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h155/Jueco/Soccer_boner_confusion.gif?t=1242841410

Keep on keepin' on...

My World Cup Memories

2009-05-19T23:54:00.001-04:00

Being a native American, as opposed to a “Native American”, soccer was the fourth or fifth most important sport for me growing up. Baseball, football, basketball, then hockey and soccer.

I tried to play soccer during that post-NASL heyday. But, living in crappy Arkansas, we didn’t exactly have much of a training program for future Pele’s.

For some reason, I remember the 1986 World Cup happening in Mexico, and I even watched parts of the 1990 Cup in Italia – mostly as I had a friend that was really into it.

Like most Americans my age, the World Cup really meant something when it came to our shores in 1994. I was a 21 year old Washington, DC intern living in a hovel with three friends from Arkansas. We had the sweet Sega World Cup 94 video game (Bicycle Kick!), we played the World Cup drinking game at the Briskeller*, and we watched the games on Univision just to get the dude Andres Cantor yelling "¡GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALLLLLLLLL!" and hear him say “Alexi LAAAAAALAAAAS!” Even though DC was a host city, I could never get tickets.

I watched the 1998 France Cup but thought it was BS that the French won that year – I guess they couldn’t find the white flags and thank God they didn’t play the Germans.

In 2002, for Japan/South Korea, I watched from Dallas sports bars in the middle of the night drinking as much as possible until 2 am, then starting again at 6 am to get around the Texas drinking laws. *Then* having to go to work with a mighty buzz.

And in 2006, I was in Australia, once again having to watch games in the middle of the night, once staying up to watch both the US and Australia lose, then walking around like a zombie the next day at the office. The US sucked and the Australian bandwagon was in full effect*.

But, in 2010, I’ll be there in person and I can’t wait. We’re adopting the Aussies (well, I should be half Aussie by then, so not really adopting) and cheering for our homeland - the USA. I’ll go for England while the others follow their own favourite Euro team.

*Will explain World Cup drinking game at a later date.

* Will explain the Australian sports bandwagon effect at a later date, or Herrmann or Hoover can explain.

Rephaboliki ya Afrika-Borw

2009-05-19T14:17:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the fray, Mike Herrmann, a.k.a. Martin Fabricio. I was beginning to worry our esteemed fourth member didn’t know what a blog was.

Mike brings up an interesting point — part of me feels we should all have football names. Problem is, I’ve never been able to come up with a good one. Martin Fabricio is good, although I do believe it originally was intended as a Formula 1 name. But that’s OK. Mike’s and my former roommate Phil had a good one, which was based on an old-school dishwashing detergent and in the Brazilian single-name mold:

Rinso.

He got it off an old-school store sign that was in a local pub. Phil sent me this photo the other day, from somewhere in Newtown in Sydney:

Speaking of names, here is an interesting fact about our host country: It has 11 official names.

According to the country’s Constitution, each of the 11 official languages has an official name for the nation to match:

Republiek van Suid-Afrika (Afrikaans)
Republic of South Africa (English)
IRiphabliki yeSewula Afrika (IsiNdebele)
IRiphabliki yaseMzantsi Afrika (IsiXhosa)
IRiphabliki yaseNingizimu Afrika (IsiZulu)
Rephaboliki ya Afrika-Borwa (Sepedi)
Rephaboliki ya Afrika Borwa (Sesotho)
Rephaboliki ya Aforika Borwa (Setswana)
IRiphabhulikhi yeNingizimu Afrika (SiSwati)
Riphabuḽiki ya Afurika Tshipembe (Tshivenda)
Riphabliki ra Afrika Dzonga (Xitsonga)

There you go.

Martin Fabricio (aka Herrmann) Speaks

2009-05-19T02:29:00.005-04:00

As this is my first ever blog in my short, but storied life, I shall make it short and confounding. To this end, I have decided that I shall post to this blog entirely under my European football name of Martin Fabricio (pronounced mar-tan fah-bree-see-oh). I'm sorry, there is no fancy Facebook European football name generator for this...you're going to have to use your good ol' fashioned imagination to come up with one if you want to join in the fun. I shall also only use the term football for the US term 'soccer' - we shall call it my pre-World Cup training, lest I have to clarify that I'm not an idiot a million times a day when at the tourney.

First, let me give a big over-the-head substitution clap to my fellow bloggers and travelmates - Ed, Scott, and Drew. Their initial posts have excited the masses like an Australian on The Morning Show recounting how he saw his German friend's bronze medal at the Winter Olympics (ref: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australia_at_the_Winter_Olympics - quite sad really). Well done.

Next, I would be remiss if I did not include a mention of this article I perused while reading about how the Rockets blew it in Game 7 against the Lakers - http://soccernet.espn.go.com/columns/story?id=647200&sec=us&root=us&&cc=3436. Now, let me tell you why this article does not excite me:

There is not one paragraph that you can summarize by saying 'this guy is a potential bad mother f-*cker' (note: I am unfamiliar with our rating on this blog, so I shall hold off on the overt profanities - as if using '-*' really throws anyone off or makes it less offensive...I digress).
I have never heard of any of these people.
The descriptions of the people they may replace are essentially - 'this guy just might edge out the 46 year old that blew out his Achilles last year and is just back in shape'.
I fear it may be too late to renew my subscription to Futbol Hoy, the MLS's official league magazine.
ADDITIONAL NOTE: It can be seen with one look at each of the names that these people grew up in a house with a Neiman Marcus card, a Volvo, and an Italian Greyhound named Scout. How will we ever be good at football as a nation if we aren't generating prospects from every corner of our nation? (Thank you Drew for not only this point, but also the gigantic chicken parma that nearly threw me into a coma while looking at the big belly seahorse - http://www.daveharasti.com/articles/images/seahorse1.jpg - at the Melbourne zoo.)

Finally, to all the 'soccer' moms out there that thought bringing juice instead of sodas for drinks after little league football was a good idea...........it wasn't...next time, bring sodas. (I know I got a few of you with that one...you really expected me to come down hard, but sometimes, a simple reminder also does the trick. Now you know...and knowing is half the battle.)

Fabricio.

Monday quick hits

2009-05-18T11:21:00.001-04:00

How about some football quick hits while we’re all waiting for Mike to get off his ass, log on to Blogger and contribute to this here party. (If he doesn’t soon, I’ll start posting as him and make him sound really, really gay.)

If we don’t get our fill of world football fever next year, perhaps we can try the friendly confines of England in 2018. Apparently FA chief Lord Triesman “emphasised the quality of England’s stadia, infrastructure and the country’s cultural mix in his opening speech.” I’m offended that His Lordship didn’t say anything about hooliganism. That’s part of England’s footballing charm. That’s all of England’s footballing charm.
Only a couple more weeks until the U.S. national team’s next World Cup qualifier. The Yanks play Costa Rica in San Jose on 3 June before heading to Soldier Field later that week to battle the Hondurans. Both of those matches should be interesting, since the Ticos are only one point behind us on the CONCACAF leaderboard, and Honduras trails the Costa Ricans by two.
Les Bleus have a tough road ahead — 18 August vs. the Faroe Islands. Holy shit, when those two teams get together … bloodshed. No love lost there. Wait, where the hell are the Faroe Islands? Oh, they’re some Danish protectorate. Blech. Wikipedia also tells me their football team is currently ranked 185th out of 207 national teams.

So hopefully Mike will come around. That wasn’t nearly as entertaining as I wanted it to be. However, I think this week I’ll take a closer look at the official FIFA World Cup Mascot, Zakumi. Because he sucks.

It's On

2009-05-15T05:52:00.005-04:00

So, we're all off for South Africa World Cup 2010.

None of us are really big soccer/football fans. All like the game, but more than anything all want to go to a big "event."

We decided to try for tickets on a whim - everyone knows it's next to impossible to actually get World Cup tickets. I sent an e-mail to a bunch of guys saying - F it - let's try.

We decided to go for a gamble - pick a country that we had a decent chance to actually win.

The US? 300 million people with tons of expats. Americans love to jump on a bandwagon like the World Cup even though the game has yet to reach maturity. Nope.

England/France/Netherlands? No chance. They have a decent population with a huge following of the Beautiful Game. We could never get tickets for these teams.

How about Australia? Only 20 million people. New to the World Cup - only two trips in the entire history of the comp. Ed lived here. Herrmann lives here. I live here and will be a citizen in 2010. F it.

Put in the credit card details, enter all our passport info, and wait.

And wait and wait and wait.

Until I see $3112.99 AUD ($2,112.00 USD) disappeared from my account.

We had our tickets.

So, all four of us have tickets to the first three Group Round games for Australia. We have no idea where the games will be, other than in South Africa, and we won't even know who Australia plays until December when the draw is announced. But while we're over there for two weeks, we'll see Australia play three other countries, at least one heavy weight, and have the change to grab tickets for other games. Also, to drink lots of South African beer (whatever that is), meet other sport(s) fans from around the world, and experience the "new" South Africa.

And, I have to say I'm excited to go to the World Cup, my first trip to the Dark Continent (is that wrong?), and go to a country that until the mid-90s was illegal for US citizens to visit.

Plus, I get to watch Hoover, FST, and Herrmann *not* get laid on yet another continent.

Bring it on.

One More Year in Korea

2009-05-14T15:03:00.003-04:00

This is Scott weighing in, b/c I don't want our little blogaholic to monopolize this thing. I'm starting a new job soon in Korea, which will end right around the end of May 2010, leaving me just enough time to go to Vietnam and pull a Gary Glitter (come on, you know you like that song), before making my way to Suthefrika for the Cup. However, Korean immigration has decided to make things interesting for me.

To quote a real dickhead former president, "I'm not a crook." I have no freaking criminal record, and I have a letter from the SAPD (holale, vatos!) verifying that. But Korean immigration is requesting an FBI check on me now, even though their laws state that I don't need one. Personally, I think it's b/c I look like a fucking rapist in my passport-sized photos that I submitted for my visa. I had to wake up at 8 to go to the US embassy (I usually wake up at noon), so I did what any sane person would do the night before. I got hammered and passed out early, to ensure plenty of sleep. This resulted in an unflattering product from the photo booth at the embassy. I'm sure I can work this all out, but I'm annoyed as hell about it, and wanted to share my frustration with you fine people. Venting helps, since I can't find a damn joint anywhere in this country.

I'm a pretty fucking good teacher, in my opinion, and I love fucking with Korean kids. One of the most fun things is naming new kids (giving them English names). I used to just assign them awesome names, like Hank, Mac, and Simpson (OJ, not Homer). Now, I just write about 15 names on the board, say them all, and make the kid pick one. This is much more fun, b/c about half the names are legit (Joey, Mike, Steven), and the other half are absurd (Adonis, Hercules, Tank). Whatever they pick, they get (and there have been some pretty good ones). That pretty much sums things up.

I feel like I'm also kind of the bum of this group; the black sheep, if you will. I take great pride in that. I mean, with this group, that's sort of like being the worst inmate on death row, but still. Drew is married with a second kid on the way, Ed is a respected PR guy in DC, and Mike owns his own business. I don't really have a respected job, and I'm basically just killing time and trying to see as much of the world as I can before a nuclear Taliban or the Mexican Flu kills us all. As for the perfect burrito that Ed mentioned, well, I know where it is. It's at fucking Freebirds!, and I'm going to murder it when I get back Stateside next month.

I'm excited about going to the Cup next year, but it really hasn't hit me yet. I think when I'm balls deep in some penguin's beak on top of Table Mountain, with Winnie Mandela filming me, it's going to really hit me. I'll youporn it, so don't worry about missing out. It will be glorious! Peace to all!

Keep on keepin' on...

About the Four Guys

2009-05-14T10:00:00.000-04:00

In the coming days, each of us will log on and tell you a bit about ourselves, what role we will play in this saga, our hopes and dreams, which country has the hottest women, etc.

But for now I’ll give you the ten-cent preview. Everyone else can take it from there.

Fun Fact #1: Each of our names has only one syllable! Truth!

Drew

Hometown: A place called Hope; Little Rock, Ark.
Current Location: Melbourne, Australia
Occupation: PR/communications for a government agency
Status: The Married Guy, but with a cool wife (plus one kid, another on the way — hell, for all I know his wife’s in labour right now)
Nicknames: Douglas, D-Hut-Doug, Not The Harvard Rapist
Celebrity Lookalike: Jeffrey Jones, a.k.a. Principal Ed Rooney from “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”
Club Team: Chelski — I mean, Chelsea
World Cup Teams*: Australia (“Because I’ll be a f’in Aussie by the time of the WC”), England (“Because of Terry/Lampard/Ashley and Joe Cole”) [you would have thought Rooney, too — ed.]

Mike

Hometown: Born Chicago, Ill.; raised Houston and Dallas, Texas
Current Location: Melbourne, Australia; formerly Sydney, Australia
Occupation: Owner and founder of Bonza Bike Tours
Status: Single, favours non-Americans
Nicknames: Herm, Herminator, Chachi
Celebrity Lookalike: That dude from “Not Another Teen Movie,” but uglier
Club Team: 1984 All-Stars from Tomball, Texas (“featuring Mike Herrmann, slowest wing in football history”)
World Cup Team: The Netherlands/The Dutch/Holland (“Hot chicks, good, and I like van Persie — the guy just scores”)

Scott

Hometown: Somewhere in northern Virginia I can’t quite remember; Austin, Texas
Current Location: Seoul, South Korea
Occupation: Teaches English to privileged Korean kids; getting run off the sidewalk by old Korean women; travels the world looking for the perfect burrito
Status: Single, with a propensity for cougars
Nicknames: Scoot, Fucking Scott Thompson
Celebrity Lookalike: I have no clue. I used to say Joey from “Friends” (not so much looks, but for demeanour), but I’m not so sure anymore
Club Team: Chelsea
World Cup Team: Germany (“A strong #2 [behind the USA] because I have a man-crush on Michael Ballack, which is why Chelsea is my club team”)

Ed

That’s me.

Hometown: Born Dayton, Ohio; raised Arlington, Texas
Current Location: Washington, D.C.; formerly Sydney, Australia
Occupation: Public affairs/PR consultant/K Street hack
Status: Single, no kids he knows of; is the most amazing and generous lover of all time
Nicknames: Hoover, Shaker, also Chachi
Celebrity Lookalike: Matthew Perry; I’ve also been told I look like Phil “Duckie” Dale from “Pretty in Pink,” but I dunno...
Club Team: Arsenal (because Nick Hornby told me to)
World Cup Team: France (Allez les Bleus! Because, like France, I’m smug and elitist; also, I’ve been visiting France for decades (see reason #1). Bonus: Although I was a fan long before, Zidane’s headbutt — Italy (a.k.a. the “Diving Divas”) totally deserved it)

* N.B.: Each of us is rooting for the USA, because we are all Americans. So don’t go all Republican on us and accuse us of hating on the United States. It would just be really, really boring if we were all Sam’s Army partisans, because where’s the fun in that?

Ed: Dude, Landon Donovan’s gonna score the most goals this year.

Scott: No way, shithead, Altidore is the wave of the future. Did you see that hat trick against Trinidad & Tobago during qualifying?

Ed: Yes, I did, but Donovan’s due. Maybe.

Drew: That Ching guy is a bit of a bitch, though, you have to admit.

Mike: Yeah, true that.

Scott & Ed: True.

Yawn. I’ve listed our second- and sometimes third-favourite teams here. As in, when the USA gets knocked out, this is who we’ll be cheering for. If the USA plays any of them, well, it’s anyone’s guess.

OK, boys ... start posting.

Welcome to FGOC

2009-05-13T11:21:00.019-04:00

Wilkommen, benvenuto, bonjour, g’day, etc. Welcome to Four Guys, One Cup, a.k.a. FGOC, which is completely not what you think it is, you dirty-minded whores, you.

No, this blog will document the journey of four average American guys — three expatriates and one ex-expatriate (that’s me) — in their early 30s as they make their way from various ends of the earth to South Africa for the 2010 FIFA World Cup.

Yes. Football. Soccer. Footy.

Over the next 393 days — and beyond — you will learn about the four of us, which teams we’re following, our musings on world events and world sport, the trials of travelling to South Africa from our respective homes, and any other humour we can think of to share. Which will be fun and entertaining for you, because each of us is twisted in his own special way.

But mostly, you’ll be able to peer in as we talk shit to each other.

Disclaimer: FGOC is not for the faint of heart or delicate of constitution. Most of us hope our mothers never find this site. Except for Scott, because he knows I already share everything with her. Ahem.

(But this we promise you: There will be no consuming of excrement involved in this venture. We’re sick bastards, but we’re not that sick.)

Things to expect:

A massive amount of shit-talking
Numerous references to “Caddyshack,” “The Big Lebowski,” “Airplane!,” “Shaun of the Dead,” “Hot Fuzz,” “The Simpsons” and other pieces of fine entertainment
Inside jokes you will not understand (but still will enjoy)
Jokes about South Africans
Jokes about Australians
Jokes about Americans (by Americans, for Americans)
In-depth and hilarious updates on each of the teams we’re following
Links to fun and other ephemera
And much, much more!

There you have it, kids. Come back often as we see the world.