Real Madrid at D.C. United

Cross-posted at K Street Blues.

Let me just start by stating the obvious: It’s bloody hot outside.

I mean, oppressively hot. Devastatingly hot. The kind of hot that makes you lose the will to live. Right now, the thermometer says it’s 95 degrees (34C) with 39% humidity. It’s supposed to hit 100 (38C) this afternoon. So far, we’ve had such a mild summer that this seems like a sudden and brutal kick in the nuts.

So what did I do yesterday, when it was just as hot? Why, I put on a black shirt and stood out in the sun for six hours, of course!

I went to see D.C. United take on Real Madrid at FedEx Field, which is normally home to the Greater Chesapeake Region Indigenous Peoples. The fun started on the Metro, as we were waiting for the Blue Line train. A group of about 10 guys in their early 20s came down the platform, coolers in hand. They spotted our Barra Brava jerseys, and high-fived us and yelled some variations of “Go United!”

Then, they brought out the Jell-o shots.

Yeah, I’ve never done a shot in the Metro, but now I can say I’ve done one on the Metro Center platform and one on a Blue Line train. (The latter was blue Jell-o in honour of our train line’s colour.) The chaos continued at the Barra Brava tailgate party, which is always fun. One of said Jell-o shot guys actually walked barefoot over hot coals (from the barbecue) that had been disposed of on the asphalt. Later, he was seen sitting in the grass, feet resting on a pile of ice, with a look on his face that, to me, indicated a serious existential crisis was going on.

So then we, along with 72,000 of our closest friends, filed into FedEx Field for the actual game. (No word on whether coal-walker had to be carried into the stadium.) Which was pretty good — at least, the first half was. Score was tied, 0-0, at the half, mostly thanks to United goaltender Josh Wicks. Oddly, it was only after Madrid’s stars, such as Cristiano Ronaldo and Kaká, left the game that the scoring began. (Ronaldo continues his streak of not scoring against D.C. United.)

United’s downfall didn’t actually begin until the 57th minute when Higuain, a 21-year-old forward in his fourth season with the Spanish power, blazed into the penalty area. Two minutes later, he was the beneficiary of Robben’s explosive move, and in the 69th, Robben lifted the ball to himself while at a full pace and cleverly chipped a shot over reserve goalkeeper Milos Kocic.

The one-sided score was hardly an embarrassment for United, which had two starters less than a year out of college and another who was playing in the third tier of the U.S. pro system last season. Real’s lineup included Cristiano Ronaldo and Kaka, the past two world players of the year, and other pricey superstars coveted by almost every other club on the planet.

Three years ago, United played Real to a 1-1 tie in Seattle, and although that Madrid side featured English star David Beckham, the roster on display at FedEx Field was one of the most expensive ever assembled. The marquee players weren’t United’s undoing; rather, it was Robben, the 25-year-old Dutchman who entered at halftime and almost single-handedly changed the course of the match.

Some notes:

• There were tens of thousands of Real Madrid fans there. Who are these people, exactly? They certainly weren’t Spanish. Bandwagon fans, all.
• I wish I had made a t-shirt that said “Faux Madrid.” That’d have shown ‘em.
• FedEx Field = epic fail. You can’t bring bottled water in. So smart when it’s 98 degrees and humid. So they charge you $5 for water — that’s warm. At least they sold Miller Lite, which is a lot like water.
• More FedEx Field Fail: loud music. Before the game and during halftime, the stadium PA blared music (really bad music, too) so loud I couldn’t hear anyone who was speaking directly, much less anything else. It also drowned out the very loud and proud United fans. Well done, stadium crew.
• Best chant from Barra Brava: “Ka-ká! Poo-poo!”
• Although I was hoping for a few more taunting references to Franco and/or fascism to be hurled at Madrid and its fans.

Oh, and I am sunburned as hell.