But for now I’ll give you the ten-cent preview. Everyone else can take it from there.
Fun Fact #1: Each of our names has only one syllable! Truth!
Drew
Hometown: A place called Hope; Little Rock, Ark.
Current Location: Melbourne, Australia
Occupation: PR/communications for a government agency
Status: The Married Guy, but with a cool wife (plus one kid, another on the way — hell, for all I know his wife’s in labour right now)
Nicknames: Douglas, D-Hut-Doug, Not The Harvard Rapist
Celebrity Lookalike: Jeffrey Jones, a.k.a. Principal Ed Rooney from “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”
Club Team: Chelski — I mean, Chelsea
World Cup Teams*: Australia (“Because I’ll be a f’in Aussie by the time of the WC”), England (“Because of Terry/Lampard/Ashley and Joe Cole”) [you would have thought Rooney, too — ed.]
Mike
Hometown: Born Chicago, Ill.; raised Houston and Dallas, Texas
Current Location: Melbourne, Australia; formerly Sydney, Australia
Occupation: Owner and founder of Bonza Bike Tours
Status: Single, favours non-Americans
Nicknames: Herm, Herminator, Chachi
Celebrity Lookalike: That dude from “Not Another Teen Movie,” but uglier
Club Team: 1984 All-Stars from Tomball, Texas (“featuring Mike Herrmann, slowest wing in football history”)
World Cup Team: The Netherlands/The Dutch/Holland (“Hot chicks, good, and I like van Persie — the guy just scores”)
Scott
Hometown: Somewhere in northern Virginia I can’t quite remember; Austin, Texas
Current Location: Seoul, South Korea
Occupation: Teaches English to privileged Korean kids; getting run off the sidewalk by old Korean women; travels the world looking for the perfect burrito
Status: Single, with a propensity for cougars
Nicknames: Scoot, Fucking Scott Thompson
Celebrity Lookalike: I have no clue. I used to say Joey from “Friends” (not so much looks, but for demeanour), but I’m not so sure anymore
Club Team: Chelsea
World Cup Team: Germany (“A strong #2 [behind the USA] because I have a man-crush on Michael Ballack, which is why Chelsea is my club team”)
Ed
That’s me.
Hometown: Born Dayton, Ohio; raised Arlington, Texas
Current Location: Washington, D.C.; formerly Sydney, Australia
Occupation: Public affairs/PR consultant/K Street hack
Status: Single, no kids he knows of; is the most amazing and generous lover of all time
Nicknames: Hoover, Shaker, also Chachi
Celebrity Lookalike: Matthew Perry; I’ve also been told I look like Phil “Duckie” Dale from “Pretty in Pink,” but I dunno...
Club Team: Arsenal (because Nick Hornby told me to)
World Cup Team: France (Allez les Bleus! Because, like France, I’m smug and elitist; also, I’ve been visiting France for decades (see reason #1). Bonus: Although I was a fan long before, Zidane’s headbutt — Italy (a.k.a. the “Diving Divas”) totally deserved it)
* N.B.: Each of us is rooting for the USA, because we are all Americans. So don’t go all Republican on us and accuse us of hating on the United States. It would just be really, really boring if we were all Sam’s Army partisans, because where’s the fun in that?
Ed: Dude, Landon Donovan’s gonna score the most goals this year.
Scott: No way, shithead, Altidore is the wave of the future. Did you see that hat trick against Trinidad & Tobago during qualifying?
Ed: Yes, I did, but Donovan’s due. Maybe.
Drew: That Ching guy is a bit of a bitch, though, you have to admit.
Mike: Yeah, true that.
Scott & Ed: True.
Yawn. I’ve listed our second- and sometimes third-favourite teams here. As in, when the USA gets knocked out, this is who we’ll be cheering for. If the USA plays any of them, well, it’s anyone’s guess.
OK, boys ... start posting.
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